Thursday, February 28, 2008

Yep, we definitely live in New Orleans

DISCLAIMER: I am a conservative, and therefore do not endorse any of the behavior of the friend described below.

A good friend of ALTR's has been hooking up with an older, recently-divorced gentleman. But the problem is, my friend is slightly skeptical of making things serious (as in he would attend functions with her and have to meet our group of young & immature friends), which works out well for her because there are days, sometimes weeks at a time where my friend doesn't hear from him. But apparently the hooking up has been quite *hot* of late.

Due to a rather hectic trial schedule at work, I am exhausted after work and have been going to bed quite early (i.e. 9 pm last night). This morning I woke up to 7 missed calls from the said friend and a text message:

"I just saw [name of older gentleman] walking down Magazine holding hands with a dude."
All I could write back to that this morning was "OMG" and confirmed a meeting that we have together tonight. There are just too many questions that come to mind that I want to ask that they simply cannot be texted - they'll have to wait for our meeting tonight.

But even with all the unanswered questions, we do live in New Orleans. But Magazine Street? That's like the most obvious place to see and be seen in the Uptown area, where my friend and the older gentleman both reside. At least ALTL goes to less obvious places to express her love with her secret girlfriend.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


How does a girl refuse a booty call (or IM, in this case) like this?

cum over and get naked i want to fuck ure brains out

Friday, February 22, 2008


My favorite quote from last night's Politics with a Punch:

Women have balls, too, they're just in our feet and we walk on them.

She was probably one of my favorite panelists yet. First time I've heard the word "patriarchy" since ALTR and I have been attending.

Monday, February 18, 2008

smoking hole

Coming soon to a non-smoking bar/restaurant near you!


Via Beegs

Saturday, February 16, 2008

me play basketball

Last night at the Kingpin we saw Dirk Nowitzki. You know, if I were someone famous with all these invites to VIP parties with free flowing alcohol, I would totally ditch those places to bum around the city I'm in. No, seriously.

However, the dim lighting and alcohol did not disguise the fact that he resembles a neanderthal.

And today he did community service. With Jason Kidd, of course, who the Mavs are about to acquire in a huge trade if everything goes smoothly.

Here are some drunk Dirk pictures from 2007

Freedom? I shower in that shit.

You have to see the original first, but if you haven't seen My New Haircut yet, you're living under a rock. Fuckin' skanks.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day

This is my first Valentine's Day as a NOLA blogger, so I've decided to provide our readers with some interesting options for today's celebrations.

First up, a radio station in West Virgina is offering listeners a chance to win a free DIVORCE for Valentine's Day. This is the perfect gift for anyone who's sleeping with a married man or woman, or for the NOLA hardcore Catholic who just can't bring themself to divorce a poorly-chosen spouse. ALTR has signed Wendy Vitter up for the contest. [h/t CNN]

Secondly, ALTR has just learned this morning that Anderson Cooper will be getting his 360° on in New Orleans tonight. Anderson Cooper? More like Anderson SUPER! (Thanks for asking!) Anyway, he'll be here, so all you adoring girls-with-no-gaydar (like Renee Zellweger) and admiring young studs should flock to wherever he is. Personally, ALTR doesn't have a date tonight - so if anyone out there knows AC's whereabouts, please send them to us. I'd be down for attempting a photo op with the guy.

Finally, I've come across the perfect Valentine's Day e-cards for the Republican lover on your list. From

These are just a few samples of what they have to offer. Don't worry ALTL, I'll be flooding your work email inbox with these all day!

get your dancin' shoes on!



Wednesday, February 13, 2008

dog eat dog

This Chinese spy thing is pretty wild. Brad V at Letters in Bottles was even there to document that bust on Bourdeaux. Then there is a bust on Sixth Street.

Watching ABC tonight, my roommate flips shit. Basically, her dog has play dates with the dog that lives at the house where the Chinese spy was busted on Sixth. That makes me like a D-list celebrity! The roommate has spent some time there and knew there was a Chinese lady there they (the dog owners) called Katie. And then Katie was pegged as a spy. It's a small, small world.

I love how WGNO interviews some of the neighbors.

Barbara says, "I just see her typing away on the computer .. sitting on the porch, speaking, that's it.. keep it going."

I wonder how many bloggers' neighbors might say something similar??

A block or so over from this excitement, there was a shooting at Washington and Chipewa. No sources as of yet, but I saw it on WGNO, it must be true!!

hooked on jesus, like whoa

Report: Retailer halts sale of 'Jesus' cosmetics

SINGAPORE - A cosmetics range with cheeky taglines that extolled the virtues of "Looking Good for Jesus" has been pulled from stores in Singapore after some Roman Catholics complained the items were disrespectful, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

Promising to "Redeem your reputation and more," the product line included a "virtuous vanilla"-flavored lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream, as well as bags and other items sold by British retailer Topshop and produced by Blue Q, The Straits Times said.

I guess they would not be a fan of the baby Jesus butt plug.

save us with your hair!

This would never happen if Trashanova was running the trash pick up in uptown!!

Garbage truck slams into Uptown home

Then again, other drivers might slam into houses when beholding the luscious brown locks glinting in the sun and those dark, brooding eyes...well, you know.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Chucklebee sucks

I like hate Mike.

Speaking of Mike Chucklebee - apparently he's knocking our state's primary system. From

"It's goofy," Huckabee said. "Well, it's Louisiana."

Roger Villere, chairman of the Louisiana Republican Party, said he took offense at Huckabee's assessment and predicted it could hurt the candidate at the state party convention Saturday.

"To call our process goofy and say it's just Louisiana isn't the way to endear yourself," Villere said. "It's not the way to build a coalition. It doesn't leave a good taste in my mouth."

Shame on Mike Huckabee for reinforcing a commonly-held negative stereotype about this state. Even though he may write his own comments off as harmless or just a little joke, he just won a primary in a state that just elected an idealistic Republican governor (with conservative principles much in line with Huckabee's own) who is leading an effort to change our state's national image for the better. Huckabee should be extremely grateful that he is in the good graces of the conservative voters of this state.

While I agree with some of Huckabee's social positions and most of his economic ones, I have consciously chosen not to support him as our candidate in 2008 because I do not think this country needs another 4 (or 8) years of a president who has a whole country apologizing for him every time he opens his mouth. I wanted to at least support him in theory. But not anymore - I am very disappointed that he chose to talk about our state in this manner.

Your Potomac Primary CliffsNotes

A thought just occurred to me - what if the BlackBerry crisis had happened today instead of yesterday? That would have been too funny - all those Crack(berry)-happy DC area pols without their security blankets on a big primary day.

So here's a summary of the VA/MD/DC primaries tonight: everyone basically voted for Barry. McCain won too. But in Virginia alot of people voted for Huckabee - mostly in the western part of the state, where most people don't have teeth.

Complete election results at

Tragedy defined

Thanks alot BlackBerry! Because you suck and decided to f*** up royally yesterday, I missed out on the booty call/email of a lifetime!

Yesterday's lack of crack(berry) reminded me of a certain day during my time working on the Hill, when then-Minority Leader Harry Reid went Rule XXI on some bitches and called a secret session. During this Secret Senate Sesh, all the senators had to turn over their BlackBerries and lesser cell phones (seriously, you think some old fart like Senator Robert Byrd knows how use a 'berry?) due to the strict confidentiality rule. All the peeps in my office went crazy because they couldn't email the senator to find out what was up. Heaven forbid - they might not be able to tell him how to vote on something!

I seriously wish I could have been a fly on the wall at any given congressional office building yesterday.

Gloria Steinem!!

I am so there!

Gloria Steinem, one of the pioneers of the modern feminist movement, will deliver a free lecture March 6 at Tulane University's Lavin-Bernick Center for University Life.

Steinem's speech, which will start at 7 p.m. in the Kendall Cram Lecture Hall, is part of the Newcomb College Institute's Powerhouse Speakers Series. It will be open to the public.

A co-founder of New York and Ms. magazines, Steinem, 73, is working on "Road to the Heart: America as if Everyone Mattered," an account of her years as a feminist organizer.

h/t Letters in Bottles


Coming soon to a theater near you!


I have to admit, I've got to see this movie. I always joke about my vag having teeth. Being a feminazi and all. One guy once told me he'd bite back. Interesting.

Thanks, Beegs.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

here's to progress

I am surprised and thrilled at the school district's handling of this situation. And the child's parents.

HIGHLANDS RANCH – The issue of being transgender usually pops up with students in high school. However, a 2nd grade boy wants to dress as a girl and be addressed with a girl's name.

"As a public school system, our calling is to educate all kids no matter where they come from, what their background is, beliefs, values, it doesn't matter," said Whei Wong, Douglas County Schools spokesperson.

Wong says the staff at one of Douglas County's schools is preparing to accommodate the student and answer questions other students might have. In order to protect the child as much as possible, 9NEWS has chosen not to reveal his school or other names that might identify the child.


pelican no longer endangered?

Here at The Head Pelican, we were ecstatic to hear that the the brown pelican may be removed from the endangered species list!

Unfortunately, we're afraid that our own species (or singular specie if you will) may be endangered! After our hiatus over the December holiday season and then Mardi Gras, our readers, or at least commenters, have been few and far between. Not enough drunken stories? Does ALTL need to start posting about her sex life again? Does ALTR need to start posting about her Republican sexual encounters?

We're underpaid and overworked working girls. We don't know how our fellow bloggers maintain such extensive, thoughtful, well-read blogs while we are busy slaving away under the watchful eye of our eccentric attorney bosses. What are a pair of girls to do?!

gun shots in the night, er, day...well, both

It threw me off, all of this violence during Mardi Gras. I was over on St. Charles near Melpomene when the gun shots broke out that Friday night and the ensuing riot in the Office Depot parking lot that the patrolman on foot and on horse had to break up. Never heard gun shots, but seeing people flock across St. Charles to see what the fuss about said enough. We thought it was just a fight until the headlines the next day confirmed our worst suspicions. Who brings a gun to the parades anyway? It's a fun time to be had by all. And more than likely the shots were fired over something silly and the gun-toter was in a rage. Forget the innocent bystanders around you.

Not that the area is virginal to violence. Summer of 2006 someone was shot down outside the daquiri shop. And then there was the shooting a couple years back in the same vicinity during the parades. Of course, what area of New Orleans has not seen it's share?

Now it's coming back into my 'hood, where I've seen it before, and it always comes in bulk. It's like the same thing, though. Wednesday a driver is shot at the corner of Annunciation and St. Mary, driving into a nearby building. Dejavu? October 2006 a guy was gunned down on Annunciation and Washington and he proceed to lose control of the vehicle as it crashed into the vacant laundromat on the street corner. If Wednesday's shooting wasn't enough, later there was a report of a drive by at Annunciation and Washington. Luckily no one was hurt, but I immediately received worried messages from both of my roommates, one of them contemplating "Maybe I don't want to renew my lease here."

When my mom and sister were visiting in August those two notorious brothers were shot down in the same day. Watching the news with my mom, I was surprised to hear of the second shooting. Seeing the footage, I was even more surprised. I turned to my mom and said "Wow, we could walk out on the corner and probably see the cop lights."

Countless other shootings in my near vicinity over the last year in the half I've lived here (here being this particular residence). I never questioned my safety - I'm not a target. But as a roommate pointed out "We drive by that intersection every day." Am I naive? Aside from the one act of arson down the street never reported in July, the renegade crack head ringing my doorbell at 1 AM, and my roommate's car being gotten into (as she didn't lock it), there have been few other instances of danger. However, it is about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I love my house, couldn't ask for a better landlord, and I, believe it or not, love my neighborhood. I can't imagine moving to another location.

What's a girl to do?

Dirty Nola

Someone's got some time on their hands. Dirty Nola brings us "your pictures of the stupidest shit you can find in New Orleans."

I hope not to see myself on there.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What's wrong with this picture?

I'm having a hard time hitting ignore simply because I don't like my options. "Yes, I will!" is, well, not true, and ignore makes me sound like I'm not going to vote at all.

I really need to get back to work.

everyone jump on the band wagon

I'm never one to tell celebs to shut up when they are vocal about their politics. If I had that kind of power and face time, I would certainly do the same thing. But the Yes I Can video below just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

Taken from Obama's Jan. 8 speech in New Hampshire the music and the celebs are just overkill for his speech. His speech which is, well, typical Obama. Fluffy and well-delivered. I saw Obama speak a couple years back in DC, when he was still riding the wave of fame from his DNC speech of glory. He has a fantastic speech writer and he has a key trait that our president has lacked the last 8 years - charisma. And that'll do volumes for you in politics. However....I'm just not convinced. And this just goes to add more fluff to the Obama campaign because really...can you hear the speech? You just see all these celebs in a video with Barack Obama and it's clearly not a negative thing. "OMG, I love the BEP, go Obama!" or "Scarlett Johanssen is so hot, I'm voting for Obama." Yeah, get votes where you can, but you should atleast try to make the message understandable.

See also: The making of's Obama video

* Forgive my lack of clarity at times, I think I am still detoxing and my head isn't in the game

I <3 Huckabee

Obama Girl was just annoying...but this is funny...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Mardi Gras: It's Tuesday, and the rest of the country is SUPER! Thanks for asking.

Well, actually it's Wednesday now. But I'm still hungover from the big weekend. And it sure sucks to be back at work today!

BTW, it was Super Tuesday yesterday! While ALTR was drinking strawberry Andre mimosas/sweating like crazy in those sweet Mardi Gras leggings, a lot of unfortunate citizens of other states were working and voting on their lunch breaks. Of all the candidates, John McCain is doing the most super after Super Tuesday. Hillary and Barack are still doing battle over who is the most super. Complete Super Tuesday 2008 coverage @