It's all Cash Money, baby

When listening to Juvenile's "Set It Off," it always bothered me that he rapped about not going down on a woman. Like, really irritated me - you're a thug, but can't deal with a lady in your mouth? Lame. Maybe the project chicks didn't teach him right. Well, I guess if it ever comes down to it, I'm gonna have to go with Hollygrove boy over a Third Ward/Magnolia Projects boy.

Lil Momma I love pussy, but I ain't lickin'
- Juvenile, Set It Off

That pussy in my mouth had me lost for words
- Lil Wayne, Lollipop

penis preference

Thanks to Beegs, I now know where I stand with the rest of the world of women.

Is it me or does that graph almost look like a penis?

ALTL MIA

I know I've been missing in action for the most part lately. Sometimes life happens, ya know? Here are some highlights and short blurbs of all the things I have wanted to say, but never made the time to log out of my work google calendar in order to log into blogger during the day.

• Eddie Fucking Izzard - What can I say, another thing scratched off of my list of things to do before I die. We sat five rows back. He was totally a fly by the seat of his pants sort of guy, and so much of the comedy was in his delivery. He wasn't dressed in drag that night, but DAMN, did those jeans look good on him. The crowd loved his Mac loyalty and making fun of the PCs - turning on a PC was demonstrated as putting all of one's effort into turning a lever, like a jack in the box, but more heavy duty. The auditorium was never short on laughs, except for the few awkward silences where no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Which made it all the more funnier.
  
• This one is just for my partner in crime ALTR - Texas senator John Cornyn is a big ol' fag
  
• The Bridge Lounge is a hopin' bar again. I have tried to go there three times this week and every time there is not a seat to be had. While a crowd can be fun, especially when on the prowl, I am a bar sitter and thus this causes me to be disgruntled.
  
• The guys working on the monstrosity for Lakeside Mall at the corner of Vets and the Causeway have a little fun with their jobs. The painting began with a coat of chocolate brown something on a very light colored surface. Messages appeared such as "The cows have no milk" or "The owls will fly 2 nite." One day I drove past and could only see the "@bellsouth.net" of someone's e-mail that had been plastered up there. The messages lasted 36 hours max, and while not political nor hilarious, those guys made something interesting of their job. My favorite was the little smiley face man with big ears who was up at the top for a full week in white on the brown before the whole building was painted white and began to be covered with panels. I tried to take a picture one day while driving home but almost ran into the guard rail instead.
  
• Speaking of Jefferson Parish, there is some filming going on over in the Lakeway Center. When I inquired to the building management why 6th Street was supposed to be shut down here and there she said it was some filming for some Jefferson Parish tourism bullshit. However, word on the street is it's some sort of movie. The set up isn't huge, but it makes more sense than filming Lakeway One for some tourism stuff - what about that is supposed to lure one to JP?
  
• I've started reading a lot of blogs by call girl types. It's everything I wanted my "sex" contribution to THP to be, but am too chicken to share. It appears, however, that a lot of these blogs have passed their hay day and the girls are now in relationships and have let their blogs, well, go. My faves I have run across is Electrolyte Dating and turnyourselfin. I feel like I have some good material to submit to unfortunate cocks (definitely NSFW), although the legality has come into question.
  
• Bill Clinton says Obama can "kiss my ass" - I love when those in the limelight show that they are real people, too.
  
• And finally, don't fuck with pelicans. Or hang out in their vicinity, apparently.
  

A poor attempt at gathering my thoughts from the last couple of weeks. I'll try to be better.

hmm

Maybe I should stop giving it out for free!

VAGINA POWER

wtf

What the hell kind of booty call is this?

hey ill be at the buldog if you wanna say hello
plus we need to have an anniversary fuck

Who has an anniversary boning with their booty call? I certainly know some quality people...

srsly

How does a girl refuse a booty call (or IM, in this case) like this?

cum over and get naked i want to fuck ure brains out

a woman after my own heart...

The 27-year-old Poulsbo woman told police officers she promised sexual favors to a man if he bought her alcohol early Wednesday morning.

But after getting two bottles of inexpensive fortified wine, she used one to hit him in the forehead.

Read the whole thing here.

hmm

How do you tell a booty call that you're the one who does the calling, not him?

It's 12:45 on a school night, bitch ass. Besides, you're an LSU fan, you're the last thing I want right now.

Now that the election is over, what shall we do?!

I know some people that could benefit from this...



via beegs.com

Back in the saddle again

Speaking of ethics reform, so far this week ALTR has dealt with 2 ethical dilemmas at her 9 to 5. One such dilemma involved the hiring of a controversial employee; the other involved sex. I took the high road on one, and the low road on another. With which dilemma did I do the right thing, you wonder? Well, let's just say that the sex was really good.

So, it's only Thursday morning, and the week has already been full of controversy. And BTW, in case you're like me, don't forget that you have an election to vote in on Saturday. Yeah, I almost forgot too. But, as Adrastos suggests, I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Sunday before bed...

Yeah, I've been missing in action for a little while. Sometimes work happens, boys happen, and then tonsilitis happens. Awesome. Most importantly, though, my sex business got busted and now I have to find a new way to peddle myself on craigslist. In the meantime, I'm planning to peep this guy on the City Park Nature Trails.

The highlight for many this weekend was the LSU-Tulane game, where the Tigers stomped the Green Wave 34-9. Like anyone was surprised. Here are my very special LSU fan highlights:

• a sea of purple and gold blocking the intersection of S. Peter and Canal, stopping all traffic
  
• getting stuck behind a cab full of Tigers for two lights at the same intersection, on the other side of Canal, while some Mercedes driving d-bag tries to make a right on red when I've got green
  
• receiving the finger somewhere along S. Peter from a purple and gold clad older gentleman as I was sitting at a stop light
  
• getting stuck behind a cab at Esplanade and Frenchmen while some Tiger fans attempted to spill out
  
• seeing the victorious Tiger fan vomiting all over his shoes and the restaurant across from Lucy's
  
• a nice little car accident on Tchoupitoulas somewhere between Jackson and First, LSU stickers and all

All I could do was cheer "Way to go, LSU!" You make us all so proud.

DISCLAIMER: You don't have to tell me this is how locals feel about Tulane students. I understand.

Why We Bone (long)

I don't know what I would do without Jezebel today. Yesterday they drew attention to the 237 Reasons To Have Sex. But it was more than that, users commented to add their own reasons, including this gem, which many of us could sympathize with:

Because when the power is off after a hurricane there is nothing else to do but drink all the beer in the fridge before it gets hot and fuck. It really is the perfect setting; windows boarded up, generators to drown out the noise, and eating hotdogs from the Red Cross van in your unrecognizable, debris riddled lawn can really be a turn on

Discussing the original blog entry with a friend on the better-than-AIM-way-to-chat-at-work Google talk, she directed me towards the NY Times piece, in which John Tierney actually discusses the original study with the psychologists.

As Tierney's article points out, the idea that women sleep their way to the top is a bit of a misconception:

The results contradicted another stereotype about women: their supposed tendency to use sex to gain status or resources.

“Our findings suggest that men do these things more than women,” Dr. Buss said, alluding to the respondents who said they’d had sex to get things, like a promotion, a raise or a favor.

Men are more likely to fuck for a raise or promotion (no pun intended), but women are just as likely to do it for a job (when you compare the lists side by side). I knew a guy who boned a chick once during an interview. She didn't get the job. Maybe it just doesn't pay off for us.

In discussing their results, Buss and Meston write:

Another cluster of gender differences not specifically predicted involved enhancement of social status–boosting reputation, establishing bragging rights, and desiring to tell friends that they had sex with someone famous. Nonetheless, these findings were consistent with the empirical data that suggest that men who are actually or effectively polygynous are granted higher social status.

So basically, it's not a myth that manwhores are more popular. The more poon you get, the higher your social status.

Of interest:

The finding that men endorsed most of the reasons for having sex with a substantially higher frequency than did women can be considered within the context of socially inculcated gender roles as well as the theory of parental investment and sexual selection. Although the traditional roles of men as initiators of sexual interactions and women as ‘‘gate keepers’’ may be less a factor today then it was several decades ago prior to the influences of feminism and oral contraceptives, research on college populations suggests these patterns still exist. In a study of sexual attitudes among 702 undergraduate students, females were significantly more likely than males to endorse the item ‘‘It is unnatural for the female to be the initiator in sexual relations’’ (Meston, Trapnell, & Gorzalka, 1998).

Please tell me that things have significantly changed from 1998 to 2007. That or I'm just a huge "unnatural" slut. Why do women still think that's not okay for them to want or initiate sex?

Further interest:

the low social desirability of some reasons (e.g., to punish a partner; to make money; to give someone a sexually transmitted disease) may have lowered response rates to these reasons, while the high social desirability of other reasons (e.g., to express love; to show affection) may have raised response rates to these reasons. Social desirability effects may have also played a role by exaggerating the tendency for men to report significantly more reasons for having sex than women (or conversely, for women to under-report reasons for having sex).

Initially this bugs me, but then I think...this will forever be a limitation under any psychological study that asks personal questions. How can we ever trust that people will answer questions with complete truth? It seems to be human nature not only to distrust, but to lie as well.

Not mentioned at all is the sample's religiosity. What religions were represented? How religious did the participants believe themselves to be? And how did they play into their reasons to have sex? I know it's probably a whole 'nother can of worms, but it could play a major role. Of course, all those University of Texas students are hippies anyway, so maybe not.

need some money?

The T-P has done our work for us again.

Is leopard print the new black?

Between the Vitter scandal, Jefferson's soy burgers, and now this bit on Julie Quinn's baby mama drama - the Times-Picayune is ALTR's new favorite tabloid. Articles like this certainly make my job easier! This piece has it all - sex, drugs, alcohol, and, of course, politics. Unfortunately there are lots of children involved in this mix. But this article was certainly a great way to start off this lazy sunday.

really big...

[Beegs]

Seriously?

I mean, who gives head with a condom on??

Some great commentary over at Jezebel.

Pull it, pull out

I am a huge advocate of condoms. When the Marine asked me if he could just pull out, I told him that pulling out was a form of birth control right up there with prayer. Until I met Bike Punk and drank way too much too fast...needless to say, a lapse of judgement and a three-hour fuck session ended with the use of only one condom and several loads shot everywhere but in me. Disappointed in myself, life goes on, fetus and disease free. But I always had to wonder, and Jezebel provides us with the answer...

wait, there's something wrong with using pulling out as a method of contraception? Other than, you know, the chance it gets in your eye? To be sure, "coitus interruptus" is not probably the zygote avoidance technique you use on a guy like Nieratko, or most anyone else with tattoos, but we remember getting really paranoid one day about our infertility and Wikipedia explaining to us that we maybe hadn't gotten pregnant yet because there isn't actually viable sperm in "pre-come."

Too bad BP has tattoos. Oops.

I'm a huge advocate of emergency contraception, but this statement sort of rubbed me the wrong way:

Pillhead, a girl, said she'd never ever used the method in her life but that the whole question "turned me on a little bit." (Um, yeah.) "Pulling out is for poor people," said a college student we know who furnished a demographic study to support her view. (Poor people like us!) Apparently in college, condoms are in heavy usage with "Plan B" the go-to plan B. "I love love love LOVE the feeling of having a dude come inside me," said a studious pill-taker who is, um, a little hormonal right now. To which we said, "Is it worth the feeling of a dude's cum inside you?" "Actually," she replied, "my friend has the WORST story about that. Her bf dumped her right after sex, 4 months into the relationship. She remembers walking down the street sobbing, walking away from his apt, and then feeling, you know. That PLOP."

And then she ended with that.

Introduction

It all began with Political Drinking Night. Sometimes the there was more drinking than politiking, other times there were politiking than drinking (yeah right). On a Friday afternoon after working their tired but true jobs for "the man" A Little to the Right (hereinafter referred to as ALTR) and A Little to the Left (hereinafter referred to ALTL) decided it was time to blog. Yeah, we're a little behind on the times, but what easier way is there to achieve random internet fame? Especially when it comes to booze, politics, and sex. Yes, sex. So here we are, to entertain not only ourselves with our views on politics (especially in the great state of Louisiana) sex, and the elixir of life.