it's a hard knock life

It's tough to be a Tulane student in this day and age: Weed Shortage on Campus

Some of my favorite exceprts:

One student explained that a certain religiously-affiliated fraternity is notorious for selling marijuana because of the fraternity's liberal, "hippie" tendencies.

"A lot of them really are committed to God and everything, but that doesn't mean they're angels. They know how to party too, like any other frat," she said.

How clever, they're not angels. I was counting on ALTR to identify this frat with her Greek roots, but without her the consensus is AEPi. I thought they were always more of a coke-oriented fraternity, but that could just be my misconception of the AEPhi sorority.

When asked about the situation, an upperclassman who smokes marijuana commented that the shortage isn't something to be too disconcerted about.

"All I can say is that it's good that pot isn't addictive," he said. "If it was, half the freshmen class would be going insane right now. Besides, maybe a shortage will help people out with midterms - could be a blessing in disguise."

Half of the first years are pot smokers? I'm not really sure whether that's a lot or a little. And, of course, leave it to a Tulane pot head to be optimistic about the weed shortage on campus and how it will effect midterm scores.

'Petraeus Report' will become a reality today

After a long Saturday night out on the Tulane frat-party scene in an attempt to investigate ALTL's Michael Cera rumors, I've recovered from all those Rock Star-vodkas and servings of Pike vat to make to work this AM, in plenty of time to get my Head Pelican on.

Of course, all the blogs and cable news networks will be buzzing about none other than the long awaited Petraeus testimony before Congress today. At last we have reached the day that so many of our favorite pols have been alluding to and the Loser Lobby of MoveOn.org leadership will more-likely-than-not ignore completely no matter what the content of the report. As the New York Times reported this weekend, the anti-war movement is now nothing short of a K Street-tapping lobby. There are many very wealthy people in this country who want us to lose the war.

General David Petraeus, the top commander of troops in Iraq, is likely to tell Congress today that while political instability in Iraq has not necessary been aided by the troop surge, there have been considerable military successes as a result of the surge. [WAFB]

My point is that whether Gen. Petraeus testifies that there is nothing but peace and harmony and democracy and equality for all in Iraq or that nothing has changed, the surge was a waste, and Bush should be impeached, the reaction of the anti-war lobbied liberals in Congress will be the same. This testimony means nothing to them. Almost as soon as it was announced that the surge would continue until Petraeus would report to Congress at the end of the summer (today) the Democrats began putting words into the General's mouth all summer long, saying that the surge wasn't working and that the war was lost.

Nevertheless, it will be interesting to see how they all react after Gen. Petraeus reports. My "favorite" reaction, at least in terms of the Senate, will undoubtedly be that of Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) who always has something silly to say.

Umm...do your frat brothers know you're doing that?

Some might say that ALTR is too old to go to that Uptown late-night hot spot F&M's. Nevertheless, I ended up at the home of the Crescent City's most famous pool table on Friday night with some college friends who were in town for the weekend. As a Tulane undergrad I cannot recall many of my nights out, but would always know I had fun when I would wake up on the next afternoon with an empty cardboard cheese fry holder on my bedside table. That is, if I actually made it home.

As usual on a weekend at F&M's, there had apparently been some big Sweet 16 party that night - the place was overrun with high school boys, some still with braces, and high school girls in Forever 21's finest drinking the best drinks their fake IDs can buy. However, I noticed that instead of the usual Mount Carmel girl grinding on Jesuit boy action that pervades the bar on a summer night, there was something very different about the grinding action I was seeing. In the upstairs part of the bar, two boys (estimated age: just finished their freshman years at Ole Miss) were seen dancing with each other. It seemed kind of odd, but hey - it was a great song that was playing, so kudos to them for not letting the moment pass them by. One of my friends turned to me and said "they seriously need a girl in between them." I think that was supposed to be a cue for me to get out there to make an ALTR-Sigma Nu sandwich, but I didn't budge from my spot at the bar. Instead, I kept watching as my deep-down fratty guy-on-fratty guy fantasy came true before my eyes only to see a Tulane sorority girl (a young one, not the aged variety like ALTR) get in on the action.

But it only got better as the night went on. Back downstairs, as ALTR and her friends were leaving around 4 am, we saw the crowning spectacle of the evening. Two fratty boys were seen with each other in a sort of head lock, yet still grinding to the rap song that was playing. The music got more intense and they got even more into it. I stood next to the cigarette machine with my friends, mouths agape, to watch as the grinding turned into Fratty Boy A pulling the Polo shirt of Fratty Boy B up over his head. It was definitely a sign that it was time to go home.

"This place should be called The Pub Too! What has F&M's come to since I've been gone?" said one of my friends. "Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term 'double-popped'."

ALTR, a proud and self-proclaimed hag, couldn't agree more with this observation. And, with regard to my revelation of fratty boy fantasies stated above, I must say that F&M's is my new favorite gay bar.