i love this

That's the kind of man I will be with. Watch until the end.

Walk like a 'mo

It doesn't take much for a single female living in New Orleans to get frustrated with the inordinate amount of terribly good-looking gay men that inhabit the city. Fortunately, ALTR has a very sensitive & accurate gaydar.

But there is hope for those of you out there who aren't 3rd generation fag hags like me. The findings of a new study suggest that you can take the guess-work out of scoping out that hottie you see at the grocery store, the park, or whatever place you may go that is frequented by male members of both teams. Basically, if he walks like he's strolling up St. Ann Street, you might want to reconsider. [MSNBC]

Oh how many assless chaps will be seen...

The Head Pelican girls will both be in the Lone Star State this Labor Day weekend. Not that either of us (yes that's right, the Republican too) have anything against the thousands of Lonnies who will descend upon the Crescent City this weekend.

This is an event this hag is sad to miss, but family business calls back at the mothership for ALTR. The Head Pelican girls will be soaking up some sun on the famous Texas cancer beaches and shopping at the Galleria. Also perhaps trying a pub crawl in Houston - sadly ALTR has been to all of 3 bars in H-town since turning 21 not all that long ago. And 2 of them were gay bars. ALTR suspects the Houston gay bars will be all but empty this weekend. Happy Decadence!!

Umm...do your frat brothers know you're doing that?

Some might say that ALTR is too old to go to that Uptown late-night hot spot F&M's. Nevertheless, I ended up at the home of the Crescent City's most famous pool table on Friday night with some college friends who were in town for the weekend. As a Tulane undergrad I cannot recall many of my nights out, but would always know I had fun when I would wake up on the next afternoon with an empty cardboard cheese fry holder on my bedside table. That is, if I actually made it home.

As usual on a weekend at F&M's, there had apparently been some big Sweet 16 party that night - the place was overrun with high school boys, some still with braces, and high school girls in Forever 21's finest drinking the best drinks their fake IDs can buy. However, I noticed that instead of the usual Mount Carmel girl grinding on Jesuit boy action that pervades the bar on a summer night, there was something very different about the grinding action I was seeing. In the upstairs part of the bar, two boys (estimated age: just finished their freshman years at Ole Miss) were seen dancing with each other. It seemed kind of odd, but hey - it was a great song that was playing, so kudos to them for not letting the moment pass them by. One of my friends turned to me and said "they seriously need a girl in between them." I think that was supposed to be a cue for me to get out there to make an ALTR-Sigma Nu sandwich, but I didn't budge from my spot at the bar. Instead, I kept watching as my deep-down fratty guy-on-fratty guy fantasy came true before my eyes only to see a Tulane sorority girl (a young one, not the aged variety like ALTR) get in on the action.

But it only got better as the night went on. Back downstairs, as ALTR and her friends were leaving around 4 am, we saw the crowning spectacle of the evening. Two fratty boys were seen with each other in a sort of head lock, yet still grinding to the rap song that was playing. The music got more intense and they got even more into it. I stood next to the cigarette machine with my friends, mouths agape, to watch as the grinding turned into Fratty Boy A pulling the Polo shirt of Fratty Boy B up over his head. It was definitely a sign that it was time to go home.

"This place should be called The Pub Too! What has F&M's come to since I've been gone?" said one of my friends. "Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term 'double-popped'."

ALTR, a proud and self-proclaimed hag, couldn't agree more with this observation. And, with regard to my revelation of fratty boy fantasies stated above, I must say that F&M's is my new favorite gay bar.