Sunday before bed...

Yeah, I've been missing in action for a little while. Sometimes work happens, boys happen, and then tonsilitis happens. Awesome. Most importantly, though, my sex business got busted and now I have to find a new way to peddle myself on craigslist. In the meantime, I'm planning to peep this guy on the City Park Nature Trails.

The highlight for many this weekend was the LSU-Tulane game, where the Tigers stomped the Green Wave 34-9. Like anyone was surprised. Here are my very special LSU fan highlights:

• a sea of purple and gold blocking the intersection of S. Peter and Canal, stopping all traffic
  
• getting stuck behind a cab full of Tigers for two lights at the same intersection, on the other side of Canal, while some Mercedes driving d-bag tries to make a right on red when I've got green
  
• receiving the finger somewhere along S. Peter from a purple and gold clad older gentleman as I was sitting at a stop light
  
• getting stuck behind a cab at Esplanade and Frenchmen while some Tiger fans attempted to spill out
  
• seeing the victorious Tiger fan vomiting all over his shoes and the restaurant across from Lucy's
  
• a nice little car accident on Tchoupitoulas somewhere between Jackson and First, LSU stickers and all

All I could do was cheer "Way to go, LSU!" You make us all so proud.

DISCLAIMER: You don't have to tell me this is how locals feel about Tulane students. I understand.

My boss is in court this AM...

...so blog away! Here are some breaking tidbits for you this morning:

• ALTL is dead. J/K. But for real, she's been MIA for over a week. ALTR talked to her last night while painting my living room, so I know she's alive. Email that ho and tell her to start getting her blog on again: alittle2theleft@gmail.com

• Veto-Free Pork, not to be confused with Fat-Free Pork: Pork and all, the Senate passed the Water Resources Bill to go to President Bush for signing. This bill includes $3.6 billon in Louisiana projects and reinforces what so many plaintiff's firms in the city who are processing claims against the Corps of Engineers have been saying for awhile: "MR-GO has gots to go." [Times-Picayune]

• Nursing homes - the bad boys of hurricane season: The Houston nursing home whose evacuation bus exploded in Texas during Hurricane Rita settled with victims' families. Don't be confused by seeing the name "Rita" - this is not the same as the St. Rita's nursing home of Krazy Kathy Blanco-forced to testify fame. That was about a whole other hurricane. But this is Louisiana, so you can be sure that all our plaintiff's lawyers (see MR-GO above) are all up in our civil courts over that St. Rita's stuff too.[WAFB]

• You won't see any nerds out in public for the next 2+ weeks: Halo 3 is out! I'm not even sure what Halo is, but apparently this is a big deal - CNN was all about it this morning. So maybe that's where ALTL has been? Waiting in line at the Best Buy on the West Bank? [WAFB]

Elizabeth is definitely John Georges's cousin...

This chick "Elizabeth" in Georges's new video is so totally related to him. They look just alike! And they both like having their kids in their commercials.

I hope you're wearing black today...

...ALTR and many of her coworkers are. I'm frequently seen wearing my little black dress (LBD) at the office, but today I'm sporting the LBD for both fashionable and civil causes.

Today is the day of the march in support of the Jena 6 in La Salle Parish. Something I realized this AM while listening to the news as I got ready for work: the La Salle Parish District Attorney's name is Reed Walters. The St. Tammany Parish DA's name is Walter Reed (this I remember because, thanks to a low-cut shirt and a short skirt, his assistant DA got me downgraded from a sizable speeding ticket to a non-moving violation). Coincidentally, St. Tammany's police department has a history of racial profiling. Definitely a good ole' boy conspiracy.

In other Jena news, C. Ray is in the town joining in on the march. Maybe he can get Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton to come down to New Orleans to C Ray's own city to address the crime Nagin can't seem to resolve himself.

Also, I keep hearing people mispronounce the name of the town "Jena." FYI, it's pronounced "JEE-nah" not "Jehn-ah" - it's the town, not the wild Bush twin!

Are you retarded and unemployed?

Your next job could be awaiting you at Orleans Parish Civil District Court!!

Job description:
- telling different paralegals 5 different amounts for filing the same motion
- taking 2 hour lunch breaks and 5+ smoke breaks a day
- closing at 4:30 even though you're supposed to stay open until 5
- never ever being able to tell me where my FUCKING JUDGE'S ORDER is on a pleading that I filed a month ago!
- connecting callers (i.e. me calling about aforementioned order) to the records room only to have the records room connect the caller back to you then just to telling callers "sorry baby, try back in a week."

From the courthouse...

A lawsuit involving one of our lovely State Reps...keep your eyes and ears open.

mmm, vodka

First there was the unveiling of Absolut New Orleans in July. Mmm, delicious. Now September brings us the new Stiletto Vodka, her debut scheduled for September 18 at an exclusive black-tie event at NOLA.

ALTL's train of thought:
1) Stiletto vodka, wtf? Can you just jump into the super-premium ring like that?
2) oh sweet, "Stiletto is the first woman-owned vodka company in the United States and one of the few woman-owned companies in the spirits industry."
3) Stilletto...hmmm...you know, this is fitting. We just saw the art exhibit of Claudia Lynch, exploring the experiences of stories that go along with her fancy heeled shoes in watercolor.
4) MUSES! These ladies start the parade off with the giant ever-changing color stiletto heel, throw out decorated shoes, and commemorate the event with their annual krewe beads - a high-heeled shoe of some sort. I wonder if these ladies who own Stiletto Vodka are members? What sort of exciting throws do we have to look forward to at Mardi Gras 2008?
5) And then..."I bet I can tell you where you got dem shoes." "I got them on my feet." But now you can fill your belly with them, too.

When I grow up, I want to be a lobbyist.

A few more reasons ALTR's lobbyist fantasy job could be on the horizons. According to a question asked by a DC reader of this week's "Ask A Lobbyist" feature on Wonkette, lobbyists have a reputation for being fag hags. Or at least the slutty one's do. Read this week's "Ask a Lobbyist" feature on Wonkette.

McCall - Quinn baby mama drama making headlines again

Don't fuck with Julie Quinn. She will wear leopard print while suing your ass for not living in the 6th Senate District. Or at least that's what Mary Lou McCall thinks her ex-husband John Young and his girlfriend Quinn are doing. [Times-Picayune]

Local Politicking

As promised, we visit the issue of the Senate District 5. It was common knowledge that Irma Dixon (once upon a time ran against Congressman Jefferson for his District 2 seat as well as serving as a state rep, former Public Commissioner), Jalila Jefferson-Bullock (debatebly best known as Congressman Jefferson's daughter, currently State Rep. Dist. 91), Cheryl Gray (alleged lesbian lover of Karen Carter, current State Rep. Dist. 98), and David Williams (token white guy, recently converted Democrat, and former Fourth Circguit judge). Then on the final day to file, Andrew Gressett throws his hat into the ring as the lone Republican. The "perennial candidade" as The Gambit so fondly refers to him, ran and subsequently lost as a Democrat to Nancy Marshall (6% of the vote, baby!) for 6th District Assessor. To add fuel to the fire, he and his organization the Property Rights Commission sent out inflammatory mailings on Stacy Head.

Gressett sounds like a shit starter. Before declaring his candidacy, David Williams changed his party affiliation from Republican to Democrat. He was the only white person and the only man running for the coveted Senate District 5 seat. Gressett, who formerly ran as a Democrat, registers as a Republican and files for the same seat. This won't hurt the plight of Dixon, Jefferson-Bullock, and Gray...but one must wonder who planted the seed in Mr. Gressett's mind. And dare we ask, what his compensation will be. It's not unheard of, you know, with a Jefferson involved.

In the House District 98 race, Neil Abramson has recently been the target of the LA GOP with their "Poor Neil" mailings and website. They allege that after Abramson was in a 1998 car accident, he tried to hit up the insurance company, in court, not once, not twice, but three times for a large sum of money. What's the deal, Neil?

"How to Lose A PILF Customer in 10 Days" by Wendy Yow Ellis

Prositute, Flynt keep the pressure on Vitter. [Times-Picayune]

Wendy Yow Ellis a/k/a "Leah" was hooking up with the hottest PILF there ever has been in the Pelican State until one day when she tried to take it to the next level, suggesting that maybe they take their relationship beyond the business and even divulged her real name! Like Wendy, many of us New Orleans women have been through similar situations - where we're just more interested than he is and we inevitably get attached. Then sometimes we might slip up and, well, tell him our real names - which, in a hooker's world, is WAY up there on the list of what NOT to do when dating someone. Fortunately for Vitter, he was able to peace out politely by simply by being shocked and horrified that the her real name was the same as that of his wife: Wendy. To Dave, that just wasn't cool.

Tuesday's press conference featured Larry Flynt and Wendy talking about their plans for letting the truth be told about Senator Vitter's extracurricular activities with Ellis, which lasted around of 5 months.

Also featured in the press conference were Larry Flynt's other plans to expose more of the seedy underside of Congress including plans to out "a closeted gay senator who he said consistently votes against gay rights."

[*AHEM* Lindsey Graham!]

But before you jump to conclusions about how Ellis is only going about these shenanigans for the $1 million Flynt offered earlier this year in a Washington Post ad looking for anyone willing to divulge illicit information about a government leader, not so fast! Ms. Ellis will not be receiving this award because Wendy wasn't the first to point out Vitter's indiscretions - she is simply doing what's right in telling America the truth about a senator most of the country hadn't heard of until the past few months. And it surely sucks a whole whole lot for one of ALTR's favorite PILFS.

Even though Wendy and Larry made alot of noise at the press conference, one thing rings loud and clear from the photos on NOLA.com: Larry Flynt and Wendy Yow Ellis are definitely doing the Schiavo:


And before you call me a huge asshole for creating the picture, please reference UrbanDictionary, which is always right about everything, to see that there are other assholes just like me out there.

Keep doing the Schiavo, Wendy, and the whole country will talk about your for no good reason at all.

Let the circus begin

The "Running for President Show" begins today as 5 presidental hopefuls get a go at grilling General Petraeus on Capitol Hill today. As a Senate intern, ALTR had the chance to view a similar display of senators going way over the time on the clock they were allowed and fits of shameless self-promotion during the confirmation hearings of Chief Justice nominee John Roberts (the hearings at which Senator Chuck Schumer now apparently regrets not being more obnoxious). My favorite for the day will undoubtedly be Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE), one of the biggest goons in our Senate today.

Politico suggests that the Petraeus testimonies will be beneficial to Republican candidates, looking for lingo and points of reference in the ongoing struggle to support the war in 2008. In particular, they suggest the testimonies may be especially helpful to Senator John McCain, who will also get a chance to address General Petraeus as the hearings today. Also in news on the Petraeus testimony, WAFB reports that President Bush was pleased with what he heard from the general, including the suggestion that 30,000 troops be brought home before next summer.[WAFB] [Politico] [WAFB]

Mid-day fluff report

- National sports commentators are dogging the Saints big time. [Eye On The Saints Blog]


- Arrested for salt, not assault: A suburban Atlanta McDonald's employee was arrested for over salt-and-peppering a "Big N' Tasty" hamburger ordered by a police officer. Clearly, this is ridiculous, but my question is - since when does McDonald's season their burgers? All the prosecution has to do is serve the jury a normal McDonald's hamburger (i.e. tastes just like the cardboard it's served in) and they can send this chick away for quite awhile.[TSG]



- Kentwood's darling Britney Spears bombed it at the VMAs for her much anticipated big comback. People are saying perhaps too much partying is to blame. [MTV] [MegaStar]



It's okay Brit; for most of us, that much partying/drinking is required to be able to dance in that outfit.

'Petraeus Report' will become a reality today

After a long Saturday night out on the Tulane frat-party scene in an attempt to investigate ALTL's Michael Cera rumors, I've recovered from all those Rock Star-vodkas and servings of Pike vat to make to work this AM, in plenty of time to get my Head Pelican on.

Of course, all the blogs and cable news networks will be buzzing about none other than the long awaited Petraeus testimony before Congress today. At last we have reached the day that so many of our favorite pols have been alluding to and the Loser Lobby of MoveOn.org leadership will more-likely-than-not ignore completely no matter what the content of the report. As the New York Times reported this weekend, the anti-war movement is now nothing short of a K Street-tapping lobby. There are many very wealthy people in this country who want us to lose the war.

General David Petraeus, the top commander of troops in Iraq, is likely to tell Congress today that while political instability in Iraq has not necessary been aided by the troop surge, there have been considerable military successes as a result of the surge. [WAFB]

My point is that whether Gen. Petraeus testifies that there is nothing but peace and harmony and democracy and equality for all in Iraq or that nothing has changed, the surge was a waste, and Bush should be impeached, the reaction of the anti-war lobbied liberals in Congress will be the same. This testimony means nothing to them. Almost as soon as it was announced that the surge would continue until Petraeus would report to Congress at the end of the summer (today) the Democrats began putting words into the General's mouth all summer long, saying that the surge wasn't working and that the war was lost.

Nevertheless, it will be interesting to see how they all react after Gen. Petraeus reports. My "favorite" reaction, at least in terms of the Senate, will undoubtedly be that of Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) who always has something silly to say.

Rumormill

Overheard today at Paris Parker on Prytania, Michael Cera of Arrested Development and Superbad fame is allegedly a freshman at Tulane this year.

I call bullshit. A facebook search reveals nothing to that nature and the only time Cera's name and Tulane are linked together in a google search is when Cera is mentioned on a blog where a Tulane prof contributes.

Fluff Report

It's a beautiful Saturday, take your dog for a walk or lay out poolside and enjoy the day. So, here are some light stories to think about on this beautiful day:

- CILFs: Reps. Mary Bono (R-CA) and Connie Mack (R-FL) are engaged! [Scripps]

- Department of the Rich Keep Getting Richer: Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI) wins the lottery for the 3rd time. WTF! [YahooNews]



- Krystal Department: Would you kick this girl off the plane? Hooters waitress Kyla Ebbert was told her outfit was too inappropriate for Southwest Airlines by a male flight attendant. Yesterday, the 23 year-old college student appeared on The Today Show and modeled the outfit she was wearing at the time of the incident. I wonder if she was in the A, B, or C-cup boarding groups? [MSNBC]

Looking for something to do tonight or tomorrow?

Hit up One Eyed Jack's for "Twelfth Night...the drinking game."

One of ALTR's friends stars in it, and I intend to be there this weekend to see if helping him practice all those lines has paid off. And also hoping that there will be some hot men in tights on the stage. Click the the flyer below for more info.

Doors open at 6:30 pm, the show starts at 7. Tickets are $7 at the door, cash only. This is showing every Friday and Saturday night until the 28th of the month, so expect many more reminders over the next few weeks. One Eyed Jack's is located at 615 Toulouse (Toulouse & Chartres, that's 1 block off Decatur).



Presented by The Legitimate Theater Company.

whaaaaaat?

Somehow I missed the boat, but Sammy Kershaw is running for Lt. Governor. Whoa.

I only stumbled upon this with my random updating of the Secretary of State's Election Candidate Data Inquiry. Thanks, dangerblond!

Interesting indeed.

And who is this Andrew Gressett character who filed in District 5? More to come on that one...

Saints v. Colts, who?

Everyone is gearing up for the big game tonight. ALTL feels like a loner in her office building in her professional clothes while everyone else is rocking their Saints jerseys and other assorted black and gold. One associate proceeded to type the Who Dat cheer in an e-mail to me. All I can do until the work day is over is play Starship Saints.

In other news...

• Will Nagin run for governor? While we won't know until the end of the business day, atleast the mayor is "having great fun with this." What a tease, that Ray Ray. No one has seen his shiny head show up at the secretary of state's office yet, but there is still time. Speaking of, John Georges hasn't made his bid for the governor's throne official yet, either. Hmmm... [NOLA.com]
  
• While Senator Vitter has taken to rebuffing the comments that the calls for Senator Craig's resignation and not his own in a partisan double-standard, he has been featured in a DCC ad attacking the Republican Moral High Ground.
  
• More on the Larry Craig nonsense: Politico says Craig should not resign, but force the Senate to expel him. In the meantime, the American Land Rights Association has boycotted the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport in their support for Craig.
  
• To top it all off, more young girls are killing themselves than ever before. [WWL]