rawr

I know that nola.com finds the status of Causeway traffic to be headline worthy for the morning and evening commutes, but could they at least mention the water spout that fucked up the traffic at about 9 AM this morning? Sheesh.

Lane Shifter's University

Dear LA Z55146,

I know that in your football glory days at your high school (oh, how you wanted to make that LSU football team) you were used to barreling through people without a care as to their well being. However, 30+ years later, please understand that the same does not apply when changing lanes in your over-sized vehicle. While no one may have been in the lane immediately to your left, someone was CLEARLY in the left lane two lanes over. You are lucky I am a cogniscant driver at 8 AM and did not barrell into the back of your vehicle. Your arms flailing about as I slammed on my brakes and laid on the horn only confirm that the symbol on your license plate indicates a mental handicap. Please stay in Fat City and off the Causeway from now on.

Let's build a playground!

July 2:


July 16:


Now that they've painted this thing, what exactly is it for again?

There's always something strange afoot at Lakeside Mall.

For God and country!!

Just some of the lovely sights in Metairie...

ALTL MIA

I know I've been missing in action for the most part lately. Sometimes life happens, ya know? Here are some highlights and short blurbs of all the things I have wanted to say, but never made the time to log out of my work google calendar in order to log into blogger during the day.

• Eddie Fucking Izzard - What can I say, another thing scratched off of my list of things to do before I die. We sat five rows back. He was totally a fly by the seat of his pants sort of guy, and so much of the comedy was in his delivery. He wasn't dressed in drag that night, but DAMN, did those jeans look good on him. The crowd loved his Mac loyalty and making fun of the PCs - turning on a PC was demonstrated as putting all of one's effort into turning a lever, like a jack in the box, but more heavy duty. The auditorium was never short on laughs, except for the few awkward silences where no one knew what the hell he was talking about. Which made it all the more funnier.
  
• This one is just for my partner in crime ALTR - Texas senator John Cornyn is a big ol' fag
  
• The Bridge Lounge is a hopin' bar again. I have tried to go there three times this week and every time there is not a seat to be had. While a crowd can be fun, especially when on the prowl, I am a bar sitter and thus this causes me to be disgruntled.
  
• The guys working on the monstrosity for Lakeside Mall at the corner of Vets and the Causeway have a little fun with their jobs. The painting began with a coat of chocolate brown something on a very light colored surface. Messages appeared such as "The cows have no milk" or "The owls will fly 2 nite." One day I drove past and could only see the "@bellsouth.net" of someone's e-mail that had been plastered up there. The messages lasted 36 hours max, and while not political nor hilarious, those guys made something interesting of their job. My favorite was the little smiley face man with big ears who was up at the top for a full week in white on the brown before the whole building was painted white and began to be covered with panels. I tried to take a picture one day while driving home but almost ran into the guard rail instead.
  
• Speaking of Jefferson Parish, there is some filming going on over in the Lakeway Center. When I inquired to the building management why 6th Street was supposed to be shut down here and there she said it was some filming for some Jefferson Parish tourism bullshit. However, word on the street is it's some sort of movie. The set up isn't huge, but it makes more sense than filming Lakeway One for some tourism stuff - what about that is supposed to lure one to JP?
  
• I've started reading a lot of blogs by call girl types. It's everything I wanted my "sex" contribution to THP to be, but am too chicken to share. It appears, however, that a lot of these blogs have passed their hay day and the girls are now in relationships and have let their blogs, well, go. My faves I have run across is Electrolyte Dating and turnyourselfin. I feel like I have some good material to submit to unfortunate cocks (definitely NSFW), although the legality has come into question.
  
• Bill Clinton says Obama can "kiss my ass" - I love when those in the limelight show that they are real people, too.
  
• And finally, don't fuck with pelicans. Or hang out in their vicinity, apparently.
  

A poor attempt at gathering my thoughts from the last couple of weeks. I'll try to be better.

GDI JP II

After Monday's incident you think I would learn. But this evening I got popped at the EXACT SAME intersection. There is just not a chance in hell I could stop at that yellow light without skidding into the intersection or getting rear ended. I know that Orleans Parish is all "No tickets will be issued for vehicles entering the intersection on a yellow signal" (Robert Mendoza in the T-P), but the same article claims that Jefferson Parish has a similar policy yet motorists are getting ticketed and some officials say that is correct.

In Jefferson, officials announced a similar policy, issuing a Nov. 16 news release that said drivers would get a ticket only if the light is "fully red before the car enters the intersection. Entering the intersection while the light is still yellow does not constitute a violation."

Some drivers claim, however, that they have been ticketed even when the light turned red after they had entered a Jefferson intersection.

In fact, there appears to be confusion even among top Jefferson officials about what the policy is.

Parish Attorney Tom Wilkinson said his understanding is that if the light turns red while in an intersection, "you're getting a ticket." Saying the light was yellow when the motorist entered the intersection is no excuse, he said.

"Yellow means you should stop," Wilkinson said.

Bert Smith, Jefferson's deputy chief administrative officer, said the original announcement was correct. However, he said, drivers need to understand what constitutes "entering the intersection."

In Louisiana, that is defined as when a motorist crosses the "line of prolongation," an imaginary line extending across the intersection from the curbline of the cross street. It is the point at which a motorist enters the path of crossing traffic.

That line defines the start of the intersection, not the broad white lines in front of the pedestrian crosswalk, Smith said. In Jefferson Parish, a motorist who crosses the pedestrian crosswalk after the light turns red won't trigger a ticket, but if any part of the vehicle crosses the thin line of prolongation on a red light, it's a ticket, he said.

Theoretically I shouldn't get popped for these "offenses." Even I were speeding, it's only Orleans Parish that tickets you for that. However, I just don't believe that some cop is going to sit there and review every car that got busted in the intersection compared to the moment the light turned red in order to save my ass a $110 ticket.

GDI JP

On the eve of the red light cameras getting wired in Orleans Parish, I'm pretty sure I got popped by one of the JP cameras at the intersection of Causeway and 17th. The flashes of light were a dead giveaway. However, I did enter the intersection while the light was yellow going maybe 5 mph over the speed limit. Do they actually send a ticket for that?

Fuckin' skanks.

What sound does an elephant make?

On the drive down the Causeway to work this morning...



* Sorry for the poor photo quality, I noticed it at the red light and just as I was snapping a phone pic the light changed.

Metairie's Most Wanted

I always shrugged off suggestions from my few friends in Jefferson Parish that the parish just isn't as safe without Harry Lee. Until this week....

Earlier this week, I started to worry because I hadn't see my co-blogger ALTL in quite some time. On Wednesday night, I learned why she was MIA. After a long day at work, I settled down on my couch with a lovely South Beach dinner and turned on the tube. Immediately a local program called "Metairie's Most Wanted" came on, and the headline story is on - suddenly I see video footage of ALTL and another one of our friends drunkenly stumbling out of Lakeside Mall. Turns out the fools had too many fruity drinks after work at PF Chang's and went on a drunken spree through the mall only to be apprehended by the big bad mall security who forced them to take a cab home.

I immediately called up my co-blogger to see if she was alive or at least not in a Jefferson Parish jail somewhere. Much to my relief she answered.

"WTF? I just saw you on 'Metairie's Most Wanted'!"

Turns out, in an even more badass move than actually being forced to take a cab home by mall security, ALTL and friend had avoided having to refinance their lives in having to pay for a cross-parish cab ride by simply taking the cab to their office building (not too far from the mall), getting ALTL's car, and then driving back to the mall to get our friend's car.

"What a story!" I told her. "It's just so embarrassing for you to have to admit that you got loaded at PF Chang's."

Fortunately ALTL is back in Orleans Parish getting drunk at local, reasonably-priced bars and restaurants.