Thursday, December 20, 2007


I have been totally slammed at work. I haven't been able to keep up with the public housing debate. But...peaceful protest. Look it up.

I get a phone call from a guy coming from downtown to my office. He is stuck in a "riot." Come to find out, since he has a radar detector and GPS unit stuck to the inside of his windshield as well as a pair of handcuffs on his rear view mirror, the crowd on Poydras wherever he was thought him a cop. His car got hit with a milkshake, eggs, and other misc. food items. It took him forever to get through the mob surrounding his car. Then he gets stuff all over his suit trying to clean off his vehicle.

This sort of shit pisses me off. I don't care what your cause is. Violence is not the answer. Sure, violence may get you things, but then you're no better (in this case) than common criminals.

Then the Live updates feed just irritates me further.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

making the jump from beer to vodka

BEEGS.COM: The latest organic vodka comes from a surprising source, Anheuser-Busch. The folks behind Budweiser is now selling the “ultra-premium” Purus vodka in the Northeast. Purus vodka is distilled in Italy’s Piemonte region and is made from water from the Italian Alps and wheat grown without pesticides or commercial fertilizers.
The bottle is 100% recyclable and the label uses soy-based ink. It is the first vodka created and marketed specifically by A-B’s subsidiary, Long Tail Libations. The bottle sells for $35. The company will plant one tree for each of the first 100,000 registrants at Purus’s website.

I don't buy it. Nor will I.

Monday, December 17, 2007

deep thoughts

R: I hate the Vikings because they have the same colors as LSU.
ALTL: I hate the Vikings because Warren Moon played for them and he was a wife beater.
R: I hate the Vikings because people from Minnesota have funny accents.

dingle berries

Happy Holidays from the dog house!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

actual conversations...

ALTL: hey look, ALTR found the perfect card for soandso to give her dad --
R:  is this like public friendly
ALTL:  yes - her dad wasn't a rapist or pornographer or anything, just a human trafficer
R: ha

SS: Ambien is the best drug ever invented.
ALTL: Really?
SS: Yes!
ALTL: I have a hard time believing you'd tell me Ambien was better than Viagra.
SS: Good point.  But I'll tell you this.  Ambien doesn't give you indigestion. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Seriously, what the fucking hell. The Germans have brought us VULVA Original:

VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a smelling substance for your own pleasure. Only a tiny amount of the precious, organic substance needs to be applied to the back of the hand and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK: In German their website is or in English Say it out loud. You got it.

Apparently this has been around for a little while, but it's news to me. Now, I'm no expert, but I imagine not all vag smells the same. Who is the lucky girl who gets to have her vag peddled about the world. Maybe this is just the German version of smelling a woman's panties.

Monday, December 10, 2007


Did Roman Harper just do that superman-that-ho after he scored that touchdown?


Survey: Many believe N.O. worse off than it is

No shit. I've got people contemplating a visit, wondering if it's safe, if they will be walking through gutted houses, if there are "still" water lines along Bourbon Street. From the article:

Roughly one-fourth believed parts of New Orleans remain under water; one-third believed the tourist-oriented French Quarter was one of the hardest-hit areas when, in fact, the Quarter was largely unharmed. The floodwaters, too, are long gone.

"It's amazing," Sims said of those responses. "But it just goes to show how little people really know."

Why is that? Because the media sensationalized things and then didn't give the same attention to the recovery? Out of sight out of mind?

It's so frustrating sometimes. People think that I live in a third-world city still.

Not the first to say it, and I certainly won't be the last...

...but the quote of the day came early this morning during my ritual CNN watching while getting dressed.

"The earth has a fever. And the fever is rising."
-Al Gore, accepting his Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway
Okay, I'm gonna say it now - this is what he actually meant to say:
The earth has a fever....and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!
Read the entire speech at The Huffington Post.

I've noticed a few blogs saying pretty much that same thing as me this morning. But can't find any fun YouTube plays on this clip from the speech yet. Perhaps I'll do a Part II of this post later on today with some fun YouTube links.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Is it really Monday tomorrow?

* Congratulations to the South Plaquemines Hurricanes for winning the 1A state title! ALTL, ALTR and ALTR's BFF (who also teaches at South Plaquemines) were all in attendance at the game yesterday. See also Ashley Morris.

* This weekend I stumbled upon the perfect gift for women of many different ages at the Garden District Book Shop (located at The Rink at Prytania & Washington). Looking for a girly little gift to give your BFF? Or maybe that dirty-old-woman secretary in your office? Meet "Porn for Women":

See a preview of what's inside here. Full of pictures of hot guys doing all kinds of domestic duties i.e. cleaning out the litter box, I immediately knew I needed to get it for one of the secretaries in my office. The title combined with the ridiculousness of the content - not to mention, the fact that I'm pretty sure I've seen all of the men on those pages down on St. Ann Street - it's an absurdly easy gift for any woman on your shopping list with a twisted sense of humor. Moreover, I really knew I was in love with the book when I found out that Feministing isn't such a big fan of it.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Metairie's Most Wanted

I always shrugged off suggestions from my few friends in Jefferson Parish that the parish just isn't as safe without Harry Lee. Until this week....

Earlier this week, I started to worry because I hadn't see my co-blogger ALTL in quite some time. On Wednesday night, I learned why she was MIA. After a long day at work, I settled down on my couch with a lovely South Beach dinner and turned on the tube. Immediately a local program called "Metairie's Most Wanted" came on, and the headline story is on - suddenly I see video footage of ALTL and another one of our friends drunkenly stumbling out of Lakeside Mall. Turns out the fools had too many fruity drinks after work at PF Chang's and went on a drunken spree through the mall only to be apprehended by the big bad mall security who forced them to take a cab home.

I immediately called up my co-blogger to see if she was alive or at least not in a Jefferson Parish jail somewhere. Much to my relief she answered.

"WTF? I just saw you on 'Metairie's Most Wanted'!"

Turns out, in an even more badass move than actually being forced to take a cab home by mall security, ALTL and friend had avoided having to refinance their lives in having to pay for a cross-parish cab ride by simply taking the cab to their office building (not too far from the mall), getting ALTL's car, and then driving back to the mall to get our friend's car.

"What a story!" I told her. "It's just so embarrassing for you to have to admit that you got loaded at PF Chang's."

Fortunately ALTL is back in Orleans Parish getting drunk at local, reasonably-priced bars and restaurants.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

oh baby

This is my new celebrity crush:

I watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry the other night and he plays this crazy gay character. In Blades of Glory he plays a stalker. And Grandma's Boy, well...that DDR scene is pretty amazing. I wanna do it with Nick Swardson. He's so funny. Here is his myspace. I know, I'm a huge nerd. I just had to share.

Some random thoughts...

  • The Times-Pic has picked up on the omg-Golden-Compass-is-anti-Christian bandwagon, citing the same e-mail I received about a month or so back. Why do Christians get so up in arms about this stuff? It's a work of fiction. Is it because it isn't the same BS the community wants you to be spoon fed? Sheesh, relax.
  • Cuervo has done it again. They have now come out with Cuervo Reserva de al Familia. Plata. This has traditionally been a premium anejo. I guess this plata tequila is such a big deal because Cuervo actually makes it in Mexico instead of in Connecticut. I was drunk and really upset when I spied that bottle at the bar while enjoying my Milagro Silver.
  • This Tonka truck commercial irritates me every time I see it. "Boys are built different." Little girls can't be interested in trucks? Or making messes? So annoying and sexist.
  • I can't wait for this National Championship nonsense to be over. It's already out of hand and I want to bang my head against my computer monitor every time the talk gets going in my office.
  • Not a lot of people are talking about it 'round here (except Adrastros, but Dickie Scruggs got busted last week for bribery. As someone once told me, some people have more nerve than sense. Check out the Insurance Coverage Law Blog for a play-by-play in what's going on with that.
  • Politics With A Punch is Thursday night. The ALTR and I will be attending. Personally I'm hoping to jump Roop Raj after the show.
  • Lastly, In Matte has joined our esteemed panel of bloggers. Look for her well versed and insightful blogs to appear soon!

Sunday, December 2, 2007

i love this

That's the kind of man I will be with. Watch until the end.


I got some bridal shower invitation delivered to my house addressed toooooooo:

Veronica White

(I only know it's a bridal shower due to the strategic placing of the white envelope up to the sunlight streaming through the windows today). Did Veronica White used to live in my house? Does she live next door? I mean, my next door neighbor doesn't look like Whitney Houston, but anything is possible.

LOL moment of the morning

A few weeks ago, ALTR read this article about presidential daughter Jenna Bush in Texas Monthly. Last night while being lame, I made some updates on my NewsGator, including changing one of my "smart feeds" to automatically search for new items on Jenna Bush(those are the feeds that search all feeds for whatever item you want). I expected that random tidbits on the former wild twin (now described as "Girl Gone Mild" in the Texas Monthly article) might provide some interesting blog material in light of her engagement and upcoming wedding.

This morning I checked my feeds to look for news to tell you people about. However, much to the shock of ALTR's virgin Republican eyes, I was appalled to discover that the majority of the 17 news feeds for Jenna Bush were newly posted YouTube semi-porn items such as this.

So I think I'll change that smart feed to "Henry Hager", Jenna's fiance, as surely any article talking about their engagement should also mention his name. I'm sure ALTL is dying to know all the latest breaking details of Jenna's wedding as much as I am.

What ALTR is.....




So I'm back again. And currently dieting, which means no going out tonight. That's why I'm being lame and posting at 1 am on a weekend evening. But at least I'm back.

Friday, November 30, 2007

today and tomorrow

This morning's not-so-hungover-hangover was brought to you by: Shiner Bock, New Orleans Amber Rum, and the letter W.

Tomorrow's? Champane Happy Hour at Savvy Gourmet

My co-worker told me our love affair had to end, as I am killing her slowly with alcohol and cigarettes.


Some guy has taken (and since released) two hostages in HRC's campaign office in New Hampshire. What the fuck. Two hostages freed at Clinton campaign office.

Wonkette speculates on who this psychopath is.

It's amazing how when you're actually working and doing your job, you're in your own little world and oblivious to the bigger things going around you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Here come the Chinese

I like tequila. I'm a little snobby about it. So, of course this caught my eye - 'Chinese' tequila worries Mexico.

The title is a bit more sensational than the actual issue. It appears that parts of China have a similar climate to certain areas of Mexico. Thus, the plants indigenous to Mexico are able to flourish as they would in their natural habitat. The plants in question are maguey and to a lesser extent nopal. While maguey is a form of agave, it is not the blue agave in which true tequila is made from. In fact, it is used to make mezcal, which is a product similar to tequila. In addition to being from another plant, mezcal generally comes from a region other than Tequila - Oaxaca. Mezcal is also of the "tequila worm" fame.

So I guess what it boils down to is that the Chinese are wanting to produce maguey to make mezcal, which the general public (and the media, it appears) generally doesn't differentiate from tequila. Because tequila has grown in popularity the last 10-15 years, China can make some bank in the tequila market.

What Mexico wants is denomination of origin so that tequila (and I guess mezcal) can only go by such a name if it comes from Mexico. This Chinese stuff would have to have another name. You know, like Syrah is from France and Shiraz is from Australia.

See also:
The Grande Enchilada
The Incontiguous Brick

[h/t: Beegs]

ALTL's tequila advice to you: Quit drinking Cuervo Gold, 1800, and Sauza. The 2006 Tequila Trade Agreement allows for tequilas such as these to be bottled outside of the country. They are only required to be 51% blue agave, while the real stuff is, well, 100%. Read the fine print at the Cuervo website: Imported and/or bottled in the United States by Heublein, Norwalk, CT. Get yourself to Dos Jefes or Yo Mama's and order yourself a Herradura Reposado. Neat. No training wheels. Sip it. Give tequila a real chance.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A day in the life...

Last night my co-worker and I had a date with that attractive bottle to the right. The date went so well that we almost finished the entire bottle. Needless to say today was a little rough, but never dull in our office environment.

Today's early morning buzz was someone all up in arms about the racist trash debacle, already claiming that the mayor is going to be on the outs and discussing the line of succession if the mayor resigns. He was all excited as the prospect of Jackie Clarkson becoming the Acting Mayor, as she will be president of the Council soon. Unfortunately someone said to him "Well, if the mayor is indicted he won't resign, history has shown us that." I was sort of interested, so I dug up the City Charter and it appears that the City Council appoints one of the two council members-at-large, the prez isn't simply a shoe-in. Sorry buddy, Jackie's not in Ray Ray's office yet.

A series of posts on Wonkette had me near tears while not doing my work and pumping myself dull of fluids. This one was the highlight: Georgia man tries to use fake $1 million dollar bill, Fails. I mean, seriously? And then he got mad about it? The human race never ceases to amaze.

To top it all off, right as I was starting to feel normal again, I find out that Tales of the Toddy is sold out (of course my ass failed to buy tickets in advance despite knowing for a month). It doesn't help that the people that work for Tales of the Cocktail are impossible to get in touch with, despite plastering their phone number(s) everywhere.

So instead I am continuing my recent-war-related movie marathon by watching Blood Diamond. In the last week this list has included Lord of War and Lions for Lambs.

This is very verbose, I must still be a bit intoxicated. If only ALTR would blog from time to time. Maybe she's taking notes on the YouTube GOP debate.

Monday, November 26, 2007

oh baby

Look how sexy Trashanova looks as he corner peeks with those brooding eyes and carefully tousled hair.

What is that bling on his finger? It's certainly not a wedding ring and he dropped out of LSU after a year to become BFFs with Lenny Kravitz.

On another note, doesn't Veronica White look frighteningly like Whitney Houston with that 'do?

stupid corporate America

I was reading this article and it just infuriated me: Mambo tangles with Anheuser-Busch over michelada beer.

Mambo Seafood is a chain of restaurants in Houston (maybe throughout Texas). Apparently they submitted a trademark application for their Mambo Michelada. Anheuser-Busch is all up in arms because they think - get this - it sounds like Michelob.

I guarantee you this is not because Mambo sounds like Michelob. It's the michelada part that somehow sounds as if it could be confused with michelada. News flash, A-B, the michelada is an old school drink found in Mexico! The Mambo owner explains...

The words michelada and chelada come from the Mexican slang for beer, or chela, said one beer analyst in Mexico City, who follows Mexican brewer Grupo Modelo, which is half owned by Anheuser-Busch.

Some say chelada. Some call it michelada. Some add tabasco sauce or other ingredients, depending on the part of Mexico where the drink is made, the beer analyst said.

"It depends on the region. We call anything that has beer and lime a michelada," said the analyst, who did not want to be identified.

Yeah, buddy. I learned to make a michelada by real live Mexicans back during my booze slinging days during a World Cup match. Throw some hot sauce and lime juice (drop or two or Worcestershire if you like) in the bottom of a salt-rimmed glass and top it off with a nice dark Mexican beer, preferably a Negra Modelo. This is not some new invention. Is it simply because someone thought to trademark it?

I gotta agree with the article, Anheuser-Busch is just trying to edge out the little guy, while trying to make more room for their own awful canned michelada the Budweiser Chelada. You just can't can things like that! It's like that stupid canned/bottled mojito from Bacardi. Barf.

mmm mmm good

Last Wednesday:

This Wednesday:
Tales of the Toddy

Monday, November 19, 2007

Now that the election is over, what shall we do?!

I know some people that could benefit from this...


Saturday, November 17, 2007

Ms. Mae's, hooray!

With the news that Ms. Mae's is back up and running, I had to go see for myself what closure for almost two months had done to The Club. It's definitely a lot cleaner and has a new coat of paint. Things have been moved around, some things are gone. There are even new support polls to make sure the ceiling doesn't fall down! Can't say I miss the claw machine, but at least the cigarette machine will return soon.

Most disappointing, though, was the lack of Mardi Gras tiles in the women's bathroom. Despite assurances from the Wall of Shame that most of the tiles would return, the bathrooms were tile free. :(


I miss them!

It was almost as if nothing changed, the lady herself was there cleaning off tables. The typical crowd which always encompasses those from all walks of life. The intense pool games and the same bartenders.

Glad she's back up and running.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Club is back!!!

Celebrate the grand re-opening at Ms. Mae's Friday morning at 9 AM!

I never knew how much I missed you until you were gone...

So the fat lady has sung for Williams

Aside from the bruhaha that has erupted in the NOLA blogosphere in response the mailer that went out at the end of last week blasting Cheryl Gray, the Williams camp has been trucking along with the election challenge in the Senate District 5 race. Last Friday the Fourth Circuit ruled 6-5 to affirm the trial court's decision of no cause of action. Yes, only 11 opinions, as Chief Judge Armstrong had to excuse herself due to ties to the Williams family. Judge Tobias, who agreed to affirm, wrote something interesting:

I find that the plaintiff's petition states a cause of action. Ergo, the trial court was in error granting the peremptory exception of no cause of action. Given the time constraints for election contests set forth in La. R.S. 18:1409, the plaintiff/appellant was obligated to proffer the evidence that he would have presented at the trial of the merits of his case. When the trial court refused to allow the plaintiff/appellant to proffer the evidence, something the trial court was required by La. C.C.P. art. 1636 to do, the trial court again erred as a matter of law.
Basically, Judge Tobias cited that the trial court was wrong in it's decision, yet upheld the result because he alleged that Williams should have sought a writ of mandamus. The failure to do so caused Williams to lose the suit in this Fourth Circuit judge's opinion.

Of further interest is the opinion of Judge Lombard, who concurred with the majority opinion, but offered:
I am, however, disturbed by the allegation of a voter canvass conducted by the Secretary of State on election day. Such activities, if true, have a chilling effect on the voter, discouraging and often denying a citizen's constitutional right to vote.
Although ruling simply on the proceedings of the trial court, both judges displayed obvious doubt. And appeared to be perturbed by the allegations.

Judge Murray wrote a lengthy dissent, of note:
I believe the irregularities alleged by the petitioner herein are sufficiently serious to potentially affect the outcome of the election. Therefore, the trial court erred by dismissing the petition on the basis of the exception of no cause of action. Whether the petitioner is able to prove his allegations remains to be seen, as he was precluded from putting on any evidence in the trial court.

Judge Cannizzaro agreed with the above, but also dissented Judge Tobias's opinon, In conclusion, he wrote
I recognize a need for swift justice in cases involving elections. Notwithstanding, the overriding concern should be to ensure that the will of the electorate is constitutionally protected.

I think that about sums it up. Sure, you can claim that Williams is a whiner and should just suck it up. One blogger even alleged that he should simply support Cheryl Gray (see the comments). Unfortunately, it's not that simple. You're going to tell me that when you miss the run off by 50 votes and a candidate that was placed in the race to draw votes away from you, who was left on the ballot without notice to the voters after his withdrawal received approximately 1500 votes, you wouldn't contest that? I know the blogosphere holds a hollier-than-thou attitude, but seriously. That's 10% of the votes. When notices were posted for candidates' withdraw from different races, that withdrew closer to election time than Andrew Gressett (forgive me, I cannot recall the notices I saw at this time). Its sort of odd, don't you think?

Due to some confusion involving all parties, the paperwork to the Supreme Court was denied by a mere matter of minutes. Then the appeal of that was shot down 2-5. So the judicial system has served us all well again. Instead of simply taking the trial, Judge Medley at the CDC invoked the bureaucracy of the system to shut the case down. Williams was never able to present his evidence. 1500 votes were thrown out. The Clerk of Court doesn't see a problem with that, nor does the majority of the courts.

I know it was a tough case based on the sensitive nature, but politics never ceases to amaze.

Child abuse defined

Nevermind protecting the rights of the unborn - what about the rights of those who cannot vote but have their political affiliation forced upon them?

This gem is courtesy of the Romney's (hottie) sons' Five Brothers Blog which ALTR reads for all the wrong reasons.

Sadly, this picture reminds me of a Bill Jefferson campaign "worker" I saw around this time last year sleeping in a chair at the corner of Claiborne and Nashville, sporting a Dollar Bill t-shirt and all.

In other Romney news, Jossip reports on the Osmonds' opinions on the former Massachusetts governor.

Back in the saddle again

Speaking of ethics reform, so far this week ALTR has dealt with 2 ethical dilemmas at her 9 to 5. One such dilemma involved the hiring of a controversial employee; the other involved sex. I took the high road on one, and the low road on another. With which dilemma did I do the right thing, you wonder? Well, let's just say that the sex was really good.

So, it's only Thursday morning, and the week has already been full of controversy. And BTW, in case you're like me, don't forget that you have an election to vote in on Saturday. Yeah, I almost forgot too. But, as Adrastos suggests, I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

About a month back...

One beautiful Sunday afternoon I was huddled in bed watching Blades of Glory and nursing my hangover. I suddenly hear the familiar sounds of a brass band float up to my room. I've heard this before.

I head out to the balcony and low and behold...

Some social club who's name I failed to recall took over my street for about 20 minutes. The people sitting on my stoop, trashing all the yard's, peeing down driveways, and jumping in the bed of pickup trucks and jumping up and down didn't phase my glee at the scene.

Gotta love living in New Orleans.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

just out of curiosity...

If you were running for public office, would you go out on a blind date?

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

the fat lady has not sung.

No one has really been talking about it, but David Williams has filed suit in CDC calling for a new election in the Senate District 5 primary election. Many people told of irregularities at the polls (our very own ALTR was told she could not vote, her name wasn't on the list until she pointed it out to them), but the biggest issue in this situation is that the Republican candidate Andrew Gressett withdrew a month prior to the election. His name was still on the ballot (as the only Republican candidate, mind you) and there was no notice posted at any of the precincts to indicate that he was no longer in the race. Come to find out, he received 1500 votes.

WGNO was at the CDC Monday covering the judge's ruling - video here, you're going to have to scroll down to 11/05/07 - David Williams Sues.

I love that Arthur Morrell explains:

You know, people are gonna vote for someone who's dropped anyway, it's just the way people are, so. And there was nothing at all to indicate that people would have voted differently.

I really have a hard time choking this statement down. If people knew the candidate were no longer viable, they would still vote for him or her? I mean, forgetting the fact that the candidate's name was still on the ballot. Isn't Morrell embarrassed that his office can't do it's job properly? I mean, amongst the other defendants named.

Two more words: secret ballot. Seriously.

We called it back in September after Gressett filed, this would be a problem for Williams. But who knew that after Gressett withdrew the government would fail to be competent? Wait, I guess everyone knew that. We just didn't know it would cost Williams the election.

EDIT: Some Came Running had some thoughts on the suit prior to trial.

I also wanted to note that the appeal is in the 4th circuit, where Williams was once a judge.

good morning, sunshine

You know how sometimes there are outside noises that make their way into your dreams right before you wake up? This morning my alarm was going off and my clock is set to some random radio station that's always these guys complaining about something or another. This morning the guy on the air swears that we will see pedophilia legalized in our lifetime.

I just don't see that NAMBLA has the same support that the Human Rights Campaign does. Nor will it accumulate that sort of support anytime soon. I think polygamy will be okay before pedophilia garners support from the bulk of the nation.

Homeboy needs to quit projecting his fears. Besides, he sounded far too old to have to worry about some other controversial thing happening in his lifetime.

Good morning, indeed.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

a little bit funny

It's sort of a weird feeling when the ex-wife of a former professor calls in to talk to you about a domestic dispute she had in 2002 with said professor that your boss dealt with.

It's interesting mainly because said professor was always such a weirdo and you and your classmates often wondered about his personal life.

anger, rawr!

With the joys of e-mail, there is bound to be at least one person who sends you ridiculous forwards. For me, it's a customer I once had while living in small town Texas who is the nicest little lady, although red neck and totally conservative. This morning I opened this e-mail:

This is scary...see the snopes link at the bottom for more detailed information.

This was sent to me and I found it interesting enough to pass on. Regardless of which choices I make, they are supposed to be educated ones. Since I knew nothing about it I thought maybe someone else may not either.

I just wanted to warn all Christian parents to avoid the upcoming movie "The Golden Compass" put out by New Line Cinema and Scholastic entertainment. It is due out in December. It looks like a fun movie! But this is the first movie based on the trilogy of books titled "His Dark materials."

The author of the books, Philip Pullman is a militant atheist whose professed purpose with these books is to turn kids away from Christianity. He has said this outright. The first movie has been cleaned up to avoid a lot of objections - it is apparently not going to be too bad BUT ...the movie is bait for the books which are horrible. The books get progressively worse with the heroes (children) in the 3rd book actually killing God, who is depicted as a little shrunken man. I am not kidding. This sounds too terrible to believe, but unfortunately it is not.

It stars Nicole Kidman.

See the website below for more info. & verification:

This sort of things irritate the hell out of me. A month or so back I got this ridiculous e-mail about HRC being the devil incarnate and I had to respond to all "Oh noes, a woman president will end the world!" I have already hit reply to all and am currently deciding whether or not I should go ahead and send my response:
Is it so scary that people are allowed freedom of speech?

The Chronicles of Narnia, a pro-Christian series of books has been around for nearly 60 years with underlying tones of sexism and racism. A movie of the first book was made in 2005 and the next is expected in 2008. Was that scary to the general public?

His Dark Materials was first published in the mid-90s and is being made into a movie that will be totally dumbed down, losing the bulk of Pullman's anti-Christian themes. Do kids even go from movies to books these days? Or is it because there is a character named Mrs. Coulter who is actually quite sinister and evil that has the religious right so incensed?

A part of me is like, don't bother, this is just an FYI e-mail going around so people will be educated on their movie choices. But it's more than that. With words like scary, horrible, etc., it's clearly biased, but what more do we expect from that crowd? These people are just so damn closed minded. Don't we have bigger fish to fry than worrying about a dumbed down movie?! How about all the soldiers being killed in Iraq? Oh, wait, you think they're dying for a good cause. How about your children going around having unprotected sex? Oh wait, you only believe in abstinence until marriage.


Sunday, November 4, 2007

Future judges love pancakes too.

This morning a very hungover ALTR and friend saw Criminal Court judge candidate Laurie White at Betsy's on Canal St. She was seen schmoozing with fellow Betsy's customers. I thought about asking for a free DUI pass but Laurie seemed otherwise occupied.

Oh boy, it looks like the Saints will be putting Jeffrey's pants theory to the test by rocking the solid black.

At least Mare made the first field goal attempt.

I need a drink.

Adventures in outlet shopping...

Recently ALTR, ALTL and co. ventured into the great state of Mississippi to treat ourselves to some outlet shopping. The highlight of the trip was the Polo store.

Now, this particular store wasn't for the claustrophobic at heart. Nor for those that hate lines. They had three people working the registers, each line about 6 people deep with an average check out time of approximately 11 minutes. This average is largely thrown off by the coon asses in front of line 1 (Initially I thought these customers were what ALTR refers to as my people - Mexicans. But as soon as they opened their mouths it was clear. I am also a coon ass.).

One lady gets in line. The other two are shopping. They continue to shop as the line moves at a snail's pace, loading Lady in Arms down with various over-priced clothing, even at an outlet store. Lady in Pink even tears the one sales associate on the floor away from her attempts at recovering the wrecked store to seek out a V-neck something or other in LSU purple because the crew neck just won't cut it. Lady in Fleece assists Lady in Pink, even encouraging her to go to the fitting room and try things on while she destroys the folded clothes looking for new things to give her to try on (seriously, there is not that big of a variety of products - it's all pretty basic). Lady in Arms continues to stand in line, as Lady in Pink and Lady in Fleece continue to run back and forth and pile more and more clothing upon her. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Lady in Arms was holding a baby and there were just piles of Polo clothing suffocating it. But no, it was all clothes.

Finally the Ladies get to the register and that's where the fun begins. The check out process was slow to begin with because the store was clearly understaffed to work this spend-$150-get-a-$25-gift-card promotion. But the Ladies...oh the Ladies. Not only were they here for the previously mentioned promotion, but they brought internet coupons! Throw about five items on the counter, play the oh-will-we-make-$150-no?-add-this-shirt-close?-ok-try-these-socks game until the reached $150. Then use the coupon, play the game again, get the gift card, end transaction. Repeat. Then the ladies are using their previously awarded gift cards on their next purchases. As well as the coupons.

Let's just say it got to the point where the customers in line behind the Ladies were openly talking about how inconsiderate this operation was to the 5+ people in line behind them. After Lady in Arms was finally free and Lady in Pink and Lady in Fleece were standing at the counter, she goes back on the floor and starts shopping some more! Seriously? Wow. The check out process took over a half hour. I thought for sure there was going to be a bitch throw down in the men's sweater section where everyone in line was confined. When the chick directly behind the Ladies said something to them the response was something to the tune of "Gurrrl, we just spent $700, so there." Way to go, you got $1400 worth of merchandise for $700 and in the meantime made enemies for life. Watch your back as you walk back to your vehicle, arms full of bags, because someone is going to deck you or follow you and key the fuck out of your car!" It was that bad.

It's one thing to have transactions like that when there is no else in line. It is one thing if you make one or two and then go to the back of the line so the 5+ people behind you can check out and not slit your throat. But it is something else altogether when you are so inconsiderate to your fellow humans that you are such an ignorant, raging asshole.

Can't say that I miss working in retail after that one. The best part of this adventure was that I wasn't purchasing anything.

LSU really has the best fans. They are exemplary folks like this. We tried to explain to ALTR this is why she should not sport LSU gear in public, but she wasn't hearing it.

Monday, October 29, 2007

FEMA: Fake Entertaining Media Announcements

The executive branch is starting their Monday off with a big old "WTF?!" after FEMA holds a press conference on the California wildfires, but forgets to invite the press. What to you do when you forget to invite all the important people to your party? You invite your friends and EMPLOYEES of course! (Or at least that's what my boss does when not enough local celebrities RSVP to his political fundraiser invites.) So some FEMA staffers and probably interns just asked fake questions. Needless to say, Michael Chertoff is ANGRY. [Seattle Times]

"I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I've seen since I've been in government," Michael Chertoff said.

Peep the vid from the most scandalous FEMA office party since Michael Brown's emails following Hurricane Katrina:

Friday, October 26, 2007

Why don't you get a job? A Bobby Jindal Job (BJJ)

The Head Pelican is no Wonkette jobs, but ALTR feels it's her Republican duty to inform HP readers about this particular opportunity. Are you tired of your current 9-5? You can submit your resume online to be considered for a job on Jindal's transition team or his administration at Tomorrow afternoon at 1 pm the governor-elect will hold a press conference to discuss some more appointments which have been made for certain positions within his administration. Jindal has just recently announced that Timmy Teepell, his chief of staff in his DC office, will fulfill the same position in the governor's office. Joseph Waguespack, a 33 year-old DC lobbyist and former House aide, will take on the position of Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy [WAFB].

This is an exciting time to be living in Louisiana, especially as a young person and ever more so as a Republican. Personally, over the past few months, I had been having doubts about my decision to stay in the city after graduating. If it wasn't for the fact that my father's family lives here and that I still have friends living here, I know I couldn't have stayed in the city. But Bobby's 54% mandate from the people of Louisiana was also a personal mandate for ALTR: the outcome of Saturday's election sealed my decision to remain in New Orleans for at least a few more years to come, and hopefully many more.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Post-primary stunts begin!

The best part about the Louisiana election schedule is that we have two chances to get it right. First the primary, then the general election - giving everyone (both the voters and the politicians) 2 chances to get it right. Eh, didn't vote the first time around? Don't worry, you'll get your chance in November! It's kind of similar to our attitude of "oh, this is just your first DUI?...No worries, my dad's BFF the District Attorney of X Parish will take care of it - just be more careful the next time you drink and drive."

Now it looks like Ag Commissioner Bob Odom - that guy whose name you see on the stickers of the fuel pump when you gas up your car and who is due to go up against Republican challenger Mike Stain in November's general election - may have some trick up his sleave. He has announced a press conference to commence at 2 today. Some suggest he may be withdrawing, but hopefully it will be something more exciting like an election contest or, at the very least, withdrawing while admitting to doing something really really bad like taking a bunch of money from the State or something. Because exciting things like that never happen in Louisiana. [WAFB, The Dead Pelican]

Monday, October 22, 2007

Monday night delight

You can find The Head Pelican Girls tonight at the Ann Coulter speech at McAlister Auditorium, on the campus of our alma mater Tulane University.

Read about it in The Hullabaloo. Doors open at 6:15, the speech is set to begin at 7 pm. This event is free & open to the public. Whether you are an AC lover (ALTR) or AC hater (ALTL + most of Tulane), we hope to see you there!

It's raining .

I wish it was raining money. Or men. Here's a good joke to start off your Monday.

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards were flying to a convention.

Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy."

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Live from Election Day

Seen: Neil Abramson getting his "Just Neil" on at Jefferson and St. Charles wearing his usual white-shirt-and-khakis uniform. ALTL agrees that he looks like Jack from Will and Grace, limp wrist and all. Is that guy really a 40-something? Before ALTR could get a coveted handshake and complete her starstruck sighting, Neil jumped into the Neilmobile to be escorted to his next intersection engagement. What's the deal, Neil?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Attorney's fleas

Overhead in a CBD law firm: An older partner lecturing a younger associate at his firm on which flea product to use on the younger associates new dog. Apparently there is a "flea infestation" at the young attorney's condo.

Older attorney: "Use Sentinel - it's what I use on *********. If a flea gets on him, if it bites the dog it makes the flea infertile immediately..." followed by a long scientific description on how the medicine actually works.

So apparently the boss has a repressed desire to be a veterinarian or is a scientific genius, yet does not know how to send a fax to save his life.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Walk like a 'mo

It doesn't take much for a single female living in New Orleans to get frustrated with the inordinate amount of terribly good-looking gay men that inhabit the city. Fortunately, ALTR has a very sensitive & accurate gaydar.

But there is hope for those of you out there who aren't 3rd generation fag hags like me. The findings of a new study suggest that you can take the guess-work out of scoping out that hottie you see at the grocery store, the park, or whatever place you may go that is frequented by male members of both teams. Basically, if he walks like he's strolling up St. Ann Street, you might want to reconsider. [MSNBC]

Put me out of my misery

After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and being stuck in seemingly endless gridlock traffic commuting to and from their jobs, millions of Americans were disheartened to learn that it was, in fact, only Tuesday.

The Onion hits the nail on the head - It's Only Tuesday. Friday is just so far away. And this weekend is bound to be insane. Oh boy.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Senate District 5 Forum

About a week late, but ALTL and ALTR attended the Senate District Forum over at the Green Charter Middle School last Tuesday. More established bloggers, the likes of Adrastros and Some Came Running have already posted their reviews. I can't really elaborate, but, again, here are a couple of noteworthy tidbits:

  • ALTR couldn't get over the fact that Irma Dixon thinks she invented the internet. Who does she think she is, Al Gore?
  • Jalila Jefferson-Bullock is a speed talker. I mean, seriously, I had a hard time following most of what she said. But we were all sure to catch her saying she is so glad her child behaved himself.
  • Dude, Cheryl Gray is hot! And not married. Or at least she doesn't wear a ring. Hmmm.
  • David Williams is not a career politician.

I have to agree with the bloggers above that David Williams stood out and may be the best candidate for the job. However, maybe it's just my 'hood and commute to work, but I don't think that Jalila Jefferson-Bullock is winning the yard sign war. I see David Williams signs everywhere. The election on Saturday could prove interesting, as the votes might be split evenly between Gray and Jefferson, and to a lesser extent Dixon versus Williams. I just don't see a clear win the first time around, making what will probably be a Gray vs. Williams run off an intense and tight race. It's unlikely the Jefferson political machine will prevail. Gray is winning the endorsement battle, with support from the Alliance for Good Government and the much-coveted Times-Pic backing (amongst others). Gray is sharing the Gambit endorsement with Williams, who can also boast LABI, the Republicans of New Orleans (whatever their organization name really is) as well as local Democrat groups.

Saturday night will be an exciting one.

Nighttime newsbowl

• Tide's a wastin': Tide forces Walter Boasso to pull some lame ad - apparently there are no copyright laws in Da Parish. [WAFB]

• Maybe this is why my boss refuses to make me our firm's administrator: Woman Accused of Embezzling Gertler, Gertler, Vincent & Plotkin Law Firm asbestos/ambulance chasing funds.

• Election 2008: Rudy & Mitt are spending like ALTR with a new credit card. [The Huffington Post]

• OMG! Louisiana is the most corrupt state in the Union. [Corporate Crime Reporter]

Since apparently I have alot in common with strippers, I really appreciated a particular story about a stripper out of Indianapolis who received worker's compensation from a pole-dancing related incident. [WAFB]

I'm a feminist, dammit.

In it's next issue, Newsweek asks Is Now the Right Time for the ERA? In the 1970s and early 80s it was a HUGE FREAKING DEAL, but I have to agree with the article when it suggests that the ERA (renamed the Women's Equality Amandement) is largely symbolic now and will do little to change things. I have to wonder, does that make Phyllis Schlafly satisfied or upset, as she prides herself on defeating the passage of the ERA is 1972. But we do symbolic things all the time, and it still means something.

We're still out there working to better things for women everywhere. Women nowadays are in positions that our feminist predecessors could only dream of. It's not always the hardcore grassroots activism the likes of Gloria Steinem championed (who married Christian Bale's father in 2000, by the way), but we're still around doing things in another way. The 2004 March for Women's Lives saw record numbers flood the capitol. For the first time in history we have a female Speaker of the House. A woman has a viable chance to win the presidency (don't laugh). We still have the right to choose when it comes to reproductive rights. Locally, Women of the Storm formed to help our city and region recover from Hurricane Katrina.

I attended the Feminist Majority Foundation Southern Leadership Conference a couple weeks back. The group was small, given it was for the region encompassing 15 states, but great none the less. Networking, educating, giving men and women alike resources to go out in the world and work towards the greater good of women everywhere.

Of course there are still those out there who hate on the feminists. was recently nominated for several Blogger's Choice Awards and of course there has been a backlash of the get-back-in-the-kitchen-you-are-a-dumb-woman variety. We deal with that everyday. The typical question that ensues if I identify myself as a feminist "Oh. Are you a lesbian?" Does it matter? Little do those ignoramuses know that Feminism and Romance Go Hand and Hand (or other "romantic" activities). However, Schlafly would advise you men to remove yourselves from any relationship you may have with a feminist ASAP.

I'm a feminist, dammit.

Sunday surprise

This Sunday was full of surprises. The Saints won a game, and ALTR got a last-minute invite to the Parkway Partners "Feast With the Stars" Jazz Brunch at Gallier Hall. It's always nice to have connected friends i.e. ALTL to swing a spot at a table amongst various local celebrities that we'll later blog about. It was an excellent way to shed our hangovers from the previous night's festivities in celebration of ALTL's upcoming birthday.

The Head Pelican Girls sucked down mimosas & Bloody Marys, and enjoyed food from amazing restaurants all over town who served samples of various dishes (my favorite was the Leek & Shiitake Champagne Cream Soup from K-Paul's) while bidding on lots of exciting items in the silent auction.

A highlight of the morning was certainly ALTL's bidding war with Mr. Rob Couhig over the one-time use of a "Junkyard Hot Dog Cart" stand for an event. Sadly, neither my co-blogger nor the former mayoral candidate were the winners of the stand. ALTL wasn't quite so disappointed at not winning when she realized that the stand didn't even come staffed with studly young hot dog servers. Another highlight was seeing an elderly New Orleans society woman wearing a Chanel suit that probably costs more than ALTR makes in a year stuff 10+ chocolate chip cookies from the Cafe Reconcile table into her purse.

Among other strange hungover conversations between ALTL and ALTR at the event when we weren't surrounded by various VIPs at our table in the "Releaf New Orleans" room, we each observed Council-At-Large candidates Virginia Boulet and Jackie Clarkson, both in attendance at the event. Yours truly was surprised to find out that Virginia Boulet in fact white. Meanwhile, ALTL revealed that she had no idea Jackie Clarkson was the mother of actress Patricia Clarkson, and also confessed that she thought Jackie Clarkson was not white. And we call ourselves political bloggers! Surprises all around.

Now we're back at work after a fun weekend accompanied by the most beautiful weather the Big Easy has seen in a long time.

Friday, October 12, 2007

God is what?

I am stuck sitting in traffic on St. Charles this evening, seeing the K-Ville trailers at Audubon Park and wondering who will shoot who in the park for the next episode. Some red neck in a beater two cars ahead of me has this huge sticker on his back glass: GOD IS PRO-LIFE. Pro-life, huh? You know, I'm pro-life. And pro-choice. But I highly doubt that God is anti-choice. And if God were pro-life, you're certainly going to hell for killing yourself with those damn cigarettes!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


In some random, bizarre news...

Inmate freed after test finds powder isn't meth. No, folks, it was dehydrated cat urine, as the woman claimed from day one. wtf is anyone doing with dried cat urine? You can go a million days with that one..

Bobby Brown has a heart attack but then denies it. C'mon, Bobby, we all know your heart was fluttering from the combination of Viagra and crack.

George Gipp returned to the surface. Of win-one-for-the-gipper notoriety, Gipp's remains were exhumed for DNA testing. Nobody knows why. Maybe it wasn't strep throat and a bout with pneumonia that killed him. dun Dun DUN!

The Arkansas legislature feels there is no rush to fix a law that toddlers to get married. By simply forgetting a very important "not" in the text, politicians have now caused a lawsuit or two, since no one wants to actually follow the law.

A Christian clown was arrested on child pornography charges. Let's just point at the key words: Klutzo. Philippines. orphanage. House of Joy. As if the Alabama reverend weren't enough.

"Let me see. Let me feel." brings us this phenomenal clip from The Alexyss Tylor show.

I'll forewarn you, this may NSFW based upon language and a dildo (which, remember, are illegal in Alamaba...technically, dangerblond reminds us).

I like how she is concerned with happening upon a penis that is too big. And that the dildo in hand 6.5 inches. And black. I've never seen a 6.5" black dick in my life.

Luckily Ms. Tylor exposed what is really going on outside the corner store by my house:

"And the man still ain't committed. Dick still damn open for - folks, standing on the damn corner just like you got them damn ??? can you put a penny in the cup. I work for food or can you give me a donation? Niggas stand on the corner with dey dick in dey hand or got it out the damn pants trying to give new recruits a piece of damn dick cause a lot of times they can't get no dick aaand no bubble gum cause they be fresh out of spearmint and they have juicy fruit. But they keep plenty of damn dick and keep the nuts fueled up and keep them filled up with high octane. They gettin' it up."

It's all about pussy integrity, ladies. Find a dick that likes you.

I guess that's hand-in-hand with bush confidence, which I first learned about watching The L Word. Where I also learned that my self confidence has largely to do with the perfectness of my nipples.


While doing some essential myspacing the other day, I happened across this humorous, yet sad look at the reality that is Ms. Mae's:

What hooligans would ever set that favorite haunt on fire?

Interesingly enough, the initial news came from my friend who now lives in Boston. What the hell, dude? I guess at 4 in the morning I am stuck paying for over-priced drinks at The Saint, Igor's, or Snakes.

Check out the The Club's blog. [h/t Dr. Morris]

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Council-at-Large forum

Yours truly attended the Council at Large forum last Thursday. It seems that most everyone has some sort of commentary on a candidate or candidates. While I think my comments will be worth little note, there are a couple of important things I think were missed:

  • Kaare Johnson's biggest contribution to the community: Well just the other day outside of his home on Julia Street a van flipped over and he helped pull the driver from the wreckage as everyone else just watched!
  • Cynthia Willard-Lewis never looked at the crowd. Her eyes were glued to the ceiling of Nunamker Auditorium during every one of her responses.
  • Lee Zurik's eyebrows aren't nearly the presence in person as they are on TV. I guess it's that whole the-camera-adds-ten-pounds thing.
  • Tommie Vassel slept with the entire Sewage and Water Board! And then proceeded to help them de-water the city in under the allotted time projected! Was it his super sperm? We will never know.
  • Unfortunately, the Appleton I've been sipping is making it difficult for me to locate the article Mama D mentioned about 376 times about herself. Anyone got it?

That's all I got for now. I'm such a cynic, I have a hard time paying attention to the real answers. I'm interested to know a little more about generic Tommy Lewis other than his lineage and family gossip. And I like Virginia Boulet. All four of her ex-husbands and all.

As an aside, why is it that just about anyone or anything is allowed to have a blog but neglect it to the nth degree? Myself may or may not be included. Talk about appeal.

If you missed the first one, the G Bitch Spot has a list of upcoming forums on October 11 and 16 with our favorite gaggle of folks vying for the Council-at-Large seat.

Masterpiece on Causeway Boulevard

While driving to a pre-work dermatologist's appointment this morning, I took the Causeway exit off of the Interstate to get onto Vets. In passing the John Georges for governor campaign headquarters, I glanced at the large billboard crowning the one-story building to see that someone had spray-painted the sign. Damn Metairie thugs.

Upon closer inspection, I realized that this was no ordinary spray-paint job. The culprit had in fact spray painted a Hitler moustache on the picture of Georges which adorned the sign. Due to almost peeing my pants over the sign, ALTR almost had a wreck before making it safely to the doctor's office.

Originally I planned to meet ALTL after work for a Georges-Hitler photo session, but a phone call around 3 pm to the Team Georges headquarters informed me that the sign had been replaced earlier that afternoon. The Head Pelican Girls should make it a priority to always have a camera on-hand for sightings like this one. When I called the Goerges headquarters, a young volunteer informed me that the incident had happened at some point over the weekend and that Team Georges decided the perpetraitor had some serious balls - she had no idea who the culprit had been. Damn - I really wanted her to tell me that Bobby Jindal had done it. Since I wasn't able to capture the true-life glory of this grafitti work, I have recreated it for you here:

For other John Georges humor, please reference the LA GOP's gem Georges Gone Wild - shirtless & shameless!

lawyers are people, too...right?

Why is that when I attended the Justice For All Ball, I don't run into any attorneys that I know other than the ones I work for (although I did meet many of infamy, be it their own standing or based upon who they are married to), but when I am out on the town I run into them everywhere? Howlin' Wolf, Half Moon, Pat Benatar at the HoB, Parasol's, and other various places I stumble into on the weekends and week nights. Maybe it just says something about the character of ALTL or of the caliber of attorneys I deal with on a day-to-day basis.

While I am a little known member of the legal community (albeit more well known than your typical paralegal or legal assistant), I had fun at the Justice For All Ball. I was able to catch up on my New Orleans society gossip (basically who has impregnated who, who has dumped who, and who the old man is with the bad teeth), take advantage of an open bar, and meet the wives of the old white men I work for. If only the lawyers in my age bracket weren't attached at the hip to ladies much younger, hotter, and more pregnant than I.

On another note, Chef Dominique is such a society whore.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The stuff of hookers

Gold sequin top

Last night, during ALTL's below-mentioned outing at which she was scolded for drinking on antibiotics, the Head Pelican Girls attended the Foo Fighters show at the House of Blues. For the evening's outing, I chose to wear a frayed denim skirt with a teal colored sequined tank similar to this one (click the picture to be linked to, my favorite new site!) This style of tank, which I also own in white and black, is what I wear with jeans or skirts when I don't know what else to wear. These tanks are my all-appropriate New Orleans going out fallback.

En route to the venue from our sweet parking spot at Orleans and Bourbon, we walked past a random strip club where two "ladies" were sitting out front on bar stools, stripper platforms, hot pants, and all appropriate stripper gear included. As we strolled by, minding our own business, one of the ladies calls out "Hey, I have that shirt!" The HP Girls spin around, startled, to find that the lady was referring to me, ALTR. Yes, the conservative one.

I knew it would be beyond rude to simply ignore the comment or to act as if I wanted nothing to do with a woman of such a profession. Recalling politeness tips in the manner of my grandmother who always knows what to say and when to say it, I quickly replied "Oh, don't you just love it?! I have it in black and white too!" The "lady" replies "Yeah, I have it in gold. I wear it all the time." Sounds like someone I know!

What is a single conservative female to do when a lady of the night claims to own/love your favorite shirt? I guess I'll just have to accept that I encountered a stripper with taste as good as mine. And maybe I'll go shopping this weekend.


You know, the worst part about having a contagious illness isn't that I'm confined to my room. Or that I'm banned from work. Or that no one wants to hang out with me. Or that ALTR lectures me when she finds out I'm drinking. Or that I have to spend money on drugs and doctors.

It's that I'm not getting laid. Fuck.

As an aside, it must really suck to live in Alabama: "...they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand."

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Senate District 5 update

The Senate District 5 race is shaping up to be a good one. You don't have the drama of the District 6 race that ALTR loves ohsomuch, but it'll be a close race nonetheless.

Previously I had mysteriously alluded to a lawsuit involving one of our state reps. At the time I didn't know the nature of the suit, but came to find out that Cheryl Gray's residency in the 5th District was being challenged (Gray area, anyone? ha!). The suit was subsequently withdrawn and everyone goes about their happy lives, though everyone knows it was the Jefferson crew who was behind it.

Some Came Running reminded me that there is a forum coming up October 9 featuring the 5th District Senate candidates. His/her source lists the five (Dixon, Jefferson, Gray, Williams and Gressett), but the Neighbors United site fails to mention Gressett as confirmed. Rumor has it he dropped out. Ol' boy didn't even last a month, but we knew he was only there to detract from others.

I've seen more and more Jalila Jefferson-Bullock signs popping up around my 'hood. Interestingly enough, as soon as they appear, they are gone. Are the signs simply being posted in people's yards without their consent? Are people stealing them? If thievery is the gig, then are they being stolen because someone else wants the sign for their own yard or because they are anti-Jefferson? Of the three signs on my block that appeared over night, the one that remains is in front of the most ghetto house of all. It's also on a tiny patch of dirt that no one can see because of the on-street parking.

For fun, see also: African-American turnout will be the Wildcard of 2007

HRC is a real ball breaker!


  You know, I always joked that my 
  vagina had teeth, but the  
  description on this sucker was just 
  too much.

  This nutcracker is functional   with stainless steel teeth   secured inside upper legs to grip   and crack nuts in their shell.


Monday, October 1, 2007

Joe Francis in court again!

Up next on the docket for Joe Francis is a lawsuit from two girls alleging that the Girls Gone Wild folks coerced them into exposing themselves, performing sexual acts on one another, and not "really" giving their consent (the girls say they did not give consent, but any consent GGW may have was coerced under the influence of alcohol - you know, the omg-i-was-sofaking-drunk excuse).

Don't get me wrong, I am no Joe Francis supporter. But here you can clearly see these girls giving their full names and their consent for the footage to be used by GGW. HOWEVER...if you can't really consent to sex when under the influence of a mind altering substance, how can you consent to someone using you or your likeness?

Further, as can be read in the lawsuit, GGW assured the girls at a later date that their footage would not be used, yet proceeded to not only put it in a video, but also the trailers on the prequel. And you can't deny they got those girls drunk. Well, maybe, because somebody certainly did and judging by the video on the site, I doubt they were short any drinks from any willing young men.

I hate that girls do this. I really do. But I also hate Joe Francis and the whole GGW machine. What.the.fuck. Society never ceases to amaze me. According to his website he is currently in custody for something or another, perhaps exploiting under age girls. The whole "she told me she was 18" thing is sort of lame. In a business like that, you should really ask for ID. Regardless, he is a cry baby, offers bribes, and is a complete and total sleaze. Gross.

However, I did giggle at this.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sunday before bed...

Yeah, I've been missing in action for a little while. Sometimes work happens, boys happen, and then tonsilitis happens. Awesome. Most importantly, though, my sex business got busted and now I have to find a new way to peddle myself on craigslist. In the meantime, I'm planning to peep this guy on the City Park Nature Trails.

The highlight for many this weekend was the LSU-Tulane game, where the Tigers stomped the Green Wave 34-9. Like anyone was surprised. Here are my very special LSU fan highlights:

  • a sea of purple and gold blocking the intersection of S. Peter and Canal, stopping all traffic
  • getting stuck behind a cab full of Tigers for two lights at the same intersection, on the other side of Canal, while some Mercedes driving d-bag tries to make a right on red when I've got green
  • receiving the finger somewhere along S. Peter from a purple and gold clad older gentleman as I was sitting at a stop light
  • getting stuck behind a cab at Esplanade and Frenchmen while some Tiger fans attempted to spill out
  • seeing the victorious Tiger fan vomiting all over his shoes and the restaurant across from Lucy's
  • a nice little car accident on Tchoupitoulas somewhere between Jackson and First, LSU stickers and all

All I could do was cheer "Way to go, LSU!" You make us all so proud.

DISCLAIMER: You don't have to tell me this is how locals feel about Tulane students. I understand.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

My boss is in court this AM... blog away! Here are some breaking tidbits for you this morning:

ALTL is dead. J/K. But for real, she's been MIA for over a week. ALTR talked to her last night while painting my living room, so I know she's alive. Email that ho and tell her to start getting her blog on again:

Veto-Free Pork, not to be confused with Fat-Free Pork: Pork and all, the Senate passed the Water Resources Bill to go to President Bush for signing. This bill includes $3.6 billon in Louisiana projects and reinforces what so many plaintiff's firms in the city who are processing claims against the Corps of Engineers have been saying for awhile: "MR-GO has gots to go." [Times-Picayune]

Nursing homes - the bad boys of hurricane season: The Houston nursing home whose evacuation bus exploded in Texas during Hurricane Rita settled with victims' families. Don't be confused by seeing the name "Rita" - this is not the same as the St. Rita's nursing home of Krazy Kathy Blanco-forced to testify fame. That was about a whole other hurricane. But this is Louisiana, so you can be sure that all our plaintiff's lawyers (see MR-GO above) are all up in our civil courts over that St. Rita's stuff too.[WAFB]

You won't see any nerds out in public for the next 2+ weeks: Halo 3 is out! I'm not even sure what Halo is, but apparently this is a big deal - CNN was all about it this morning. So maybe that's where ALTL has been? Waiting in line at the Best Buy on the West Bank? [WAFB]

Friday, September 21, 2007

Elizabeth is definitely John Georges's cousin...

This chick "Elizabeth" in Georges's new video is so totally related to him. They look just alike! And they both like having their kids in their commercials.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I hope you're wearing black today...

...ALTR and many of her coworkers are. I'm frequently seen wearing my little black dress (LBD) at the office, but today I'm sporting the LBD for both fashionable and civil causes.

Today is the day of the march in support of the Jena 6 in La Salle Parish. Something I realized this AM while listening to the news as I got ready for work: the La Salle Parish District Attorney's name is Reed Walters. The St. Tammany Parish DA's name is Walter Reed (this I remember because, thanks to a low-cut shirt and a short skirt, his assistant DA got me downgraded from a sizable speeding ticket to a non-moving violation). Coincidentally, St. Tammany's police department has a history of racial profiling. Definitely a good ole' boy conspiracy.

In other Jena news, C. Ray is in the town joining in on the march. Maybe he can get Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton to come down to New Orleans to C Ray's own city to address the crime Nagin can't seem to resolve himself.

Also, I keep hearing people mispronounce the name of the town "Jena." FYI, it's pronounced "JEE-nah" not "Jehn-ah" - it's the town, not the wild Bush twin!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Are you retarded and unemployed?

Your next job could be awaiting you at Orleans Parish Civil District Court!!

Job description:
- telling different paralegals 5 different amounts for filing the same motion
- taking 2 hour lunch breaks and 5+ smoke breaks a day
- closing at 4:30 even though you're supposed to stay open until 5
- never ever being able to tell me where my FUCKING JUDGE'S ORDER is on a pleading that I filed a month ago!
- connecting callers (i.e. me calling about aforementioned order) to the records room only to have the records room connect the caller back to you then just to telling callers "sorry baby, try back in a week."

Friday, September 14, 2007

From the courthouse...

A lawsuit involving one of our lovely State Reps...keep your eyes and ears open.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

mmm, vodka

First there was the unveiling of Absolut New Orleans in July. Mmm, delicious. Now September brings us the new Stiletto Vodka, her debut scheduled for September 18 at an exclusive black-tie event at NOLA.

ALTL's train of thought:
1) Stiletto vodka, wtf? Can you just jump into the super-premium ring like that?
2) oh sweet, "Stiletto is the first woman-owned vodka company in the United States and one of the few woman-owned companies in the spirits industry."
3) know, this is fitting. We just saw the art exhibit of Claudia Lynch, exploring the experiences of stories that go along with her fancy heeled shoes in watercolor.
4) MUSES! These ladies start the parade off with the giant ever-changing color stiletto heel, throw out decorated shoes, and commemorate the event with their annual krewe beads - a high-heeled shoe of some sort. I wonder if these ladies who own Stiletto Vodka are members? What sort of exciting throws do we have to look forward to at Mardi Gras 2008?
5) And then..."I bet I can tell you where you got dem shoes." "I got them on my feet." But now you can fill your belly with them, too.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

When I grow up, I want to be a lobbyist.

A few more reasons ALTR's lobbyist fantasy job could be on the horizons. According to a question asked by a DC reader of this week's "Ask A Lobbyist" feature on Wonkette, lobbyists have a reputation for being fag hags. Or at least the slutty one's do. Read this week's "Ask a Lobbyist" feature on Wonkette.

McCall - Quinn baby mama drama making headlines again

Don't fuck with Julie Quinn. She will wear leopard print while suing your ass for not living in the 6th Senate District. Or at least that's what Mary Lou McCall thinks her ex-husband John Young and his girlfriend Quinn are doing. [Times-Picayune]

Local Politicking

As promised, we visit the issue of the Senate District 5. It was common knowledge that Irma Dixon (once upon a time ran against Congressman Jefferson for his District 2 seat as well as serving as a state rep, former Public Commissioner), Jalila Jefferson-Bullock (debatebly best known as Congressman Jefferson's daughter, currently State Rep. Dist. 91), Cheryl Gray (alleged lesbian lover of Karen Carter, current State Rep. Dist. 98), and David Williams (token white guy, recently converted Democrat, and former Fourth Circguit judge). Then on the final day to file, Andrew Gressett throws his hat into the ring as the lone Republican. The "perennial candidade" as The Gambit so fondly refers to him, ran and subsequently lost as a Democrat to Nancy Marshall (6% of the vote, baby!) for 6th District Assessor. To add fuel to the fire, he and his organization the Property Rights Commission sent out inflammatory mailings on Stacy Head.

Gressett sounds like a shit starter. Before declaring his candidacy, David Williams changed his party affiliation from Republican to Democrat. He was the only white person and the only man running for the coveted Senate District 5 seat. Gressett, who formerly ran as a Democrat, registers as a Republican and files for the same seat. This won't hurt the plight of Dixon, Jefferson-Bullock, and Gray...but one must wonder who planted the seed in Mr. Gressett's mind. And dare we ask, what his compensation will be. It's not unheard of, you know, with a Jefferson involved.

In the House District 98 race, Neil Abramson has recently been the target of the LA GOP with their "Poor Neil" mailings and website. They allege that after Abramson was in a 1998 car accident, he tried to hit up the insurance company, in court, not once, not twice, but three times for a large sum of money. What's the deal, Neil?

"How to Lose A PILF Customer in 10 Days" by Wendy Yow Ellis

Prositute, Flynt keep the pressure on Vitter. [Times-Picayune]

Wendy Yow Ellis a/k/a "Leah" was hooking up with the hottest PILF there ever has been in the Pelican State until one day when she tried to take it to the next level, suggesting that maybe they take their relationship beyond the business and even divulged her real name! Like Wendy, many of us New Orleans women have been through similar situations - where we're just more interested than he is and we inevitably get attached. Then sometimes we might slip up and, well, tell him our real names - which, in a hooker's world, is WAY up there on the list of what NOT to do when dating someone. Fortunately for Vitter, he was able to peace out politely by simply by being shocked and horrified that the her real name was the same as that of his wife: Wendy. To Dave, that just wasn't cool.

Tuesday's press conference featured Larry Flynt and Wendy talking about their plans for letting the truth be told about Senator Vitter's extracurricular activities with Ellis, which lasted around of 5 months.

Also featured in the press conference were Larry Flynt's other plans to expose more of the seedy underside of Congress including plans to out "a closeted gay senator who he said consistently votes against gay rights."

[*AHEM* Lindsey Graham!]

But before you jump to conclusions about how Ellis is only going about these shenanigans for the $1 million Flynt offered earlier this year in a Washington Post ad looking for anyone willing to divulge illicit information about a government leader, not so fast! Ms. Ellis will not be receiving this award because Wendy wasn't the first to point out Vitter's indiscretions - she is simply doing what's right in telling America the truth about a senator most of the country hadn't heard of until the past few months. And it surely sucks a whole whole lot for one of ALTR's favorite PILFS.

Even though Wendy and Larry made alot of noise at the press conference, one thing rings loud and clear from the photos on Larry Flynt and Wendy Yow Ellis are definitely doing the Schiavo:

And before you call me a huge asshole for creating the picture, please reference UrbanDictionary, which is always right about everything, to see that there are other assholes just like me out there.

Keep doing the Schiavo, Wendy, and the whole country will talk about your for no good reason at all.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Let the circus begin

The "Running for President Show" begins today as 5 presidental hopefuls get a go at grilling General Petraeus on Capitol Hill today. As a Senate intern, ALTR had the chance to view a similar display of senators going way over the time on the clock they were allowed and fits of shameless self-promotion during the confirmation hearings of Chief Justice nominee John Roberts (the hearings at which Senator Chuck Schumer now apparently regrets not being more obnoxious). My favorite for the day will undoubtedly be Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE), one of the biggest goons in our Senate today.

Politico suggests that the Petraeus testimonies will be beneficial to Republican candidates, looking for lingo and points of reference in the ongoing struggle to support the war in 2008. In particular, they suggest the testimonies may be especially helpful to Senator John McCain, who will also get a chance to address General Petraeus as the hearings today. Also in news on the Petraeus testimony, WAFB reports that President Bush was pleased with what he heard from the general, including the suggestion that 30,000 troops be brought home before next summer.[WAFB] [Politico] [WAFB]

Monday, September 10, 2007

Mid-day fluff report

- National sports commentators are dogging the Saints big time. [Eye On The Saints Blog]

- Arrested for salt, not assault: A suburban Atlanta McDonald's employee was arrested for over salt-and-peppering a "Big N' Tasty" hamburger ordered by a police officer. Clearly, this is ridiculous, but my question is - since when does McDonald's season their burgers? All the prosecution has to do is serve the jury a normal McDonald's hamburger (i.e. tastes just like the cardboard it's served in) and they can send this chick away for quite awhile.[TSG]

- Kentwood's darling Britney Spears bombed it at the VMAs for her much anticipated big comback. People are saying perhaps too much partying is to blame. [MTV] [MegaStar]

It's okay Brit; for most of us, that much partying/drinking is required to be able to dance in that outfit.