Thursday, November 19, 2009

Going Rogue, eh?

Yes, Urban Dictionary has some recently added definitions for this term, but before Sarah Palin decided to "go rogue", there was this defintion: A male that allows a transexual man fuck him hard in the ass, yet still claims to be straight.

Thanks, someecards!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Blame it on the swine flu

Several Tulane football players have come down with swine flu like symptoms.

Let the jokes ensue.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


Thanks, ALTL! I feel immediately energized just watching that video. Who knew Mandy Moore looked so good in a Laura Bush suit? She looks great!

I have rough 3 years ahead of me, but hopefully the pursuit of procrastination will give me more opportunities to blog!

And now I don't have that annoying job thing to get in the way of my Head Pelican time. Also - no more men for the next 3 years - no more distractions! I am now married to law school and the Head Pelican.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Give your vagina wings!

I bought ALTR a case of this to celebrate her starting law school.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Buy me a drink!

Depending on what circles you run in, you may or may not have heard about the free T Pain show on Tuesday night at the House of Blues.

After waiting in line for, oh, 1.5 hours, we finally made it into the gates of House of Blues, only to be a couple people late to get into the capacity filled HoB. While the security hassled the skanky and obnoxious feather-earringed girl and her crew, my roommate and I watched the show on the tv from the comfort of the bar. Not wanting to lose our prime seating, my roommate filled not one, but two cups with urine, the last one sprinkling slightly on my leg. In my tequila-drunk disbelief I start smacking his arm and yelling at him for pissing on me when the girl next to me realized that she got hit too - despite his protests that there must be a leak in the ceiling! At that moment, three people emerged from the over heated crowd, the new security guy looked right at me, and I grabbed Peaches from the clutches of the hysteric girl and we made it into the show.

All in all an eclectic crowd and actually a pretty good show. But get this - after the last song was played, the crowd pretty much RAN out of the HoB. No encore. I encouraged Peaches to get a set list, and when I turned around from bumming a cigarette off of a stranger, I see him with this plastered on his chest:

HE DIDN'T PLAY ON A MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT! Thanks shitty New Orleans crowd!!

Monday, August 3, 2009


I tell my mother everything.

So when I was rehashing the events of past few weeks with a certain gentleman caller, I explained that we didn't go "all the way" because of some....errr, physical difficulties he had below the belt that I attributed to drinking.

Then she suggested that perhaps the problem wasn't excessive drinking, but that he was on high blood pressure medicine. "That's a pretty common side effect of those kinds of drugs," she said.

Later I thought about what she said. And then I remembered, my father has high blood pressure. Controlled well by medication.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Where am I?

While zoning out on the drive to work this morning, I suddenly became a little lost at the corner of Melpomene and St. Charles until I realized that St. Charles Tavern had simply received a face lift of sorts:

Don't worry, the fabulous print on the downtown side describing the awesomeness of the tavern is still in tact and faded as ever!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Fuck that Jaegermesiter bullshit

The beer industry contributes $2.58 billion a year to the Louisiana economy, according to a study commissioned by national industry groups.

Just another reason that beer makes me fired up!!!

Well, and that the NOLA Brewery is right in my backyard. What a fun little shin dig last Thursday!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Note to self: delete all emails from my Blackberry in the future

Today a group of my coworkers suckered me in to a last-minute project which required a group of us to go to another downtown office building for about 15 minutes or so. Another coworker, Mike, was selected dropped us off. Mike somehow acts like he's superior to me socially, intellectually, and professionally (none of which are the case - case in point: he was chosen to drive; they begged me to go to this meeting).

When dropping us off we said "Okay Mike, just drive around to avoid the meter maids for a few minutes, and we'll call you when we're done."

Mike: "Dangit, I forgot my cell phone. Here ALTR, just let me borrow your phone and call your number from someone else's phone when you all get out."

I agreed and handed over my phone.

Flash forward 10 minutes, I'm in the middle of a serious moment of the meeting with our customer , and all of a sudden it hit me......OH HOLY CRAP!!! A few weeks ago, I signed up for the trial (FREE) portion of And they bombard me with emails every day. And I get my emails....ON MY PHONE! And he was just dying to borrow MY phone - not the phones of any of the other 4 people in the car with us. That piece of sh*t!
I'm sure he went through my messages and emails. I probably would have if I'd been in his situation. In addition to emails from, Subject Line "He Winked At You!", Mike also probably enjoyed a series of desperate-girl booty call text messages from the blackout zone, a back-and-forth banter with a gay friend about drag queen wigs and poppers, and text messages to ALTL asking her to bring me a platter of cocktail sandwiches and a daiquiri at The Fly.

I guess if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't have to worry about this. And, there's always a chance that he didn't go through my emails and won't spread their contents around the office. Yeah right!

Oh well, live and learn.

rain, rain, go away

Tonight's Tulane/LSU game has been "rained out."

Deciding it's better to be safe than sorry, Tulane officials postponed tonight's baseball game against LSU because of the threat of severe thunderstorms around game time. -

Lame. We blame LSU.

Just another morning commute

This morning while approaching the light at St. Charles at the bridge, I found myself distacted by what looked like an economy size spill of powdered scrambled eggs with a slight off-putting color to them. I always tell myself I will blog, so I try to snap a picture on my cell phone.

As I continue my forward movement, I realize something is missing.

Someone wiped out the light at Calliope and St. Charles. Again. The last time was the weekend of March 6, not even a month ago. I first noticed this on Saturday the 7th and by Tuesday the 10th the light was back in business. I was amazed because this was the fastest light replacement I have ever seen in the city of New Orleans. However, that intersection does have the potential to be extremely dangerous, you know, with the streetcar and all.

What will the turn around be this time? And who is the culprit twice in one month?!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I love going to Hornets games. I hate having "things" to keep track of, such as a purse, jacket, etc. Therefore, my phone, ID, and cash all go in my pocket. This allows for few concerns such as purse snatching/forgetting and easier beer holding and impromptu clapping against the leg.

Anyhow, I always have this fear that I'm going to drop my money or phone when I go to the bathroom and drop trou. Last night during my third quarter bathroom trip, the inevitable happened - my program and cell phone fell out of my pocket.

Sitting there trying to do my business, I spy my phone in the stall to the left of me. Luckily, it was unoccupied. I slid my foot under the divider, stomped on my phone, and dragged it back into my stall. Finishing my business, I stood up, zipped up my shorts, flushed the toilet, and bent over to pick up my phone. As I did this I received a nice spray from the toilet right in my face.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


I don't do New Years resolutions. There's too much king cake to eat, champagne to drink, and work to ignore between January 1 and Fat Tuesday. So, instead, I do post-Mardi Gras resolutions. And, obviously, mine is to blog more.

I've neglected keeping up to date with the goings-on in the NOLA blogosphere. But I'm still here.

So, here's my Mardi Gras de-briefing - I had one of the greatest carnival seasons I've had in a long time! ALTL had friends in town - we went to lots of parades, donned multiple costumes, and had a good time at the 8th Annual Not-So-Super Super Hero Party. I also had some friends in town - sharing my city with visitors always getting me fired up about Mardi Gras all over again!

So, to all of our friends out there in the NOLA blogosphere and beyond, we are back and we hope you're still reading.

Cynthia hyphens everywhere

Today I saw a yard sign for Harry Lee's granddaughter, Cynthia Lee-Sheng, who's running for a JP Council seat.

Not to be confused with Cynthia Hedge-Morrell or Cynthia Willard-Lewis of New Orleans City Council fame. It's so hard to keep all these Cynthias with hyphenated last names straight!

I guess that's what happens when you want everyone to know both whose daughter you are and who you're married to!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

tonight's Politics with a Punch

This evening's panel looks pretty interesting:

  • Austin Badon, State Representative, Candidate for Mayor

  • Jonathan Bell, Movie Actor and Veteran Comedian

  • Aaron Broussard, Jefferson Parish President

  • Alden Hagardorn, President, St. Henry’s Parish Council

  • Misty Jackson, Renowned Comedian and TV Star

  • Blaine Kern, Mr. Mardi Gras, New Orleans Ambassador

  • Pierre Thomas, New Orleans Saints Star Running Back

On our star studded show, we’ll cover everything from the inauguration of President Obama to the latest trials and tribulations of Dollar Bill Jefferson to Holy Cao, we have a new Congressman to Sen. David Vitter supporting the religious right and challenging Hillary Clinton, while hoping the voters forget about the D.C. Madam!

See you there!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

ALTL, get out your credit card...

The subject matter of this post is the type that my co-blogger ALTL usually handles, but here I go...

Looking for a perfect gift for the Obama lover? Like, something besides a t-shirt with "Change" written on it? Why not an Obama....dildo?!

Yep, here it is:

Also comes in GOLD! But I'd rather have the blue - I've always been an expert at blue-balling.

I'm it.

After being on hiatus, I noticed that Latin Teacher at FEMA, Katrina, and other bad words tagged me in this meme that has been floating around the internet. So, uh, here it is.

  1. Link to the person who tagged you.
  2. Post the rules on your blog.
  3. Write six random things about yourself.
  4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
  5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
  6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

About me...
  1. I cannot give blood.
  2. I took a 24 hour bus ride to participate in the March for Women's Lives in April 2004, followed by a 24 hour bus ride back (I think a total of 10 hours were spent in DC).
  3. I spent one summer as a Capitol Hill intern.
  4. Muffalettas smell fantastic to me, but I cannot stand to eat them - I don't like olives.
  5. Last St. Patrick's Day we put the keg in the pool because we thought it was cold enough.
  6. I once bought a case of Absolut New Orleans for $21.99 at Dorignac's.

So there.

Who do I tag? about my ho A Little to the Right, Daily Hops, Brad V at Letters in Bottles, heh, New Orleans Murder Blog, Drunk Athlete, and, uh...that's enough. I don't know enough "people" in the blogosphere.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Good luck, President Obama

This conservative's thoughts on this historic inauguration day:

Mr. President, you are not what was desired, but you are no less dear to me. And your daughters are adorable.

It's not that I'm apathetic...

...I just can't get excited about today's inauguration. The election of Senator Barack Obama to the presidency of the United States is definitely a ground-breaking one. I understand the feelings of hope people are filled with by his promises of change. I do.

The hype is just not for me. It hasn't been from day one.

A former roommate of mine from when I lived in DC had a facebook status that compared inauguration to "Mardi Gras for dorks." While I disagreed, I did conceed that DC for inauguration would be a bigger cluster fuck. That's for damn sure.

Best of luck to you, President Obama. Make us proud.

As an aside, my co-worker is watching live on her computer and giving me commentary...

CW: wow, you're not even allowed to ride your bike within 2 miles of the national mall.
ALTL: bikes take up too much space!
CW: its a security issue.
ALTL: everything is a security issue
CW: well, I guess the police get to ride their bikes because I just saw one.
ALTL: clearly they're not a security risk - they are there to keep the peace
CW: They just showed the New Orleans mayor in the crowd of ppl.
ALTL: now that is a security risk
CW: ha ha
but pretty impressive that they chose to show him. everyone else has been presidential ppl.
CW: shows you how hard it was to get in to this shindig. He was standing out in the crowd of ppl.
CW: oh, keep it together Hillary. She's looking a little emotional.

Here we go.

EDIT: Chris Matthews is "not crotchety about change." Wtf.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I'm not the only one...

On Amazon....

Like Google, when you type in something you're looking for, Amazon automatically lists other searches people have previously done using the same words. Which makes me feel slightly less weird for ordering the following items after having come home at 5:30 AM this morning in time for some drunken online purchases:

- "sexy Jester costume"

- "Amy Winehouse wig"

Although I may regret these purchases when I look at my bank balance after sleeping off this inevitable hangover, at least I'll be ready for Mardi Gras with 2 great new costume options. And I'll still have some pride - because, thanks to Amazon's search suggestions, I know that there was someone else out there weird enough/drunk enough to search for the exact same things as me.